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TOPIC 1: HOW MEANINGFUL IS THE CUBS’ RECENT TURNAROUND?
Jimmy Greenfield: Turnaround? THEY’RE 18 GAMES UNDER .500! Wake me in 2007.
Phillip Thompson: There’s just enough time to hop back on the bandwagon before it goes over the cliff.
Leo Ebersole: In terms of comebacks, I put it right up there with David Spade hanging with Heather Locklear.
Brian Moore: Completely meaningful for fantasy baseball players stuck with Cubs on their roster.
Bag Boy: Recall in “Titanic” when the ship split in half? You went, “Well, one half might survive.” Like that.
TOPIC 2: YOUR REACTION TO SPRINTER JUSTIN GATLIN’S POSITIVE DRUG TEST?
Jimmy Greenfield: I was absolutely shocked to find out he wasn’t one of THE Gatlin Brothers.
Phillip Thompson: He thought he was slick using his buddy’s urine sample. Stupid, stupid Floyd Landis.
Leo Ebersole: Any chance he could tell Sox pitchers where he’s getting this testosterone?
Brian Moore: It’s hard now to find a successful athlete who isn’t getting help from drugs. Sad.
Bag Boy: Same reaction when I found out Leo and Phil root for the Redskins: Pure pity.
TOPIC 3: WHAT’S THE BIGGEST NEWS TO COME OUT OF BEARS CAMP SO FAR?
Jimmy Greenfield: Brian Urlacher has yet to father a child.
Phillip Thompson: I misjudged Cedric Benson. What a team player, look how he’s helped the defense’s self-esteem.
Leo Ebersole: The defense hasn’t let Steve Smith score yet.
Brian Moore: The first player injured wasn’t a quarterback named “Rex.”
Bag Boy: Bears players won’t have to bug the Sox for playoff tickets.
TOPIC 4: THE WORLD SERIES OF POKER IS . . .
Jimmy Greenfield: . . . “The Battle of the Network Stars’ ” much smarter cousin.
Phillip Thompson: . . . a potentially great joke that the FCC and Lindsay Lohan’s lawyers won’t let me use.
Leo Ebersole: . . . the other place I can watch four sleazy males trade insults.
Brian Moore: . . . just a bit less ridiculous than VH1’s “World Series of Pop Culture.”
Bag Boy: . . . where one dream comes true and 7,999 others implode. Story of my life.
TOPIC 5: IT’S YOU VS. MIKEY THE POKER-PLAYING CHIMP. WHAT HAPPENS?
Jimmy Greenfield: After he beats me with a bluff, I fling my poop at him. Then I run like hell.
Phillip Thompson: I remind him that poker-playing chimps are a delicacy in some countries–and Bag Boy’s house.
Leo Ebersole: I raise, he re-raises, I push in, he throws dung at me.
Brian Moore: I win, then we re-enact “Planet of the Apes” to a full house at Caesars Palace.
Bag Boy: One of us goes home with a playmate. And no, it ain’t me.
