1. Reschedule this
Folks, it’s too damn hot out, so if you’re about to read this column in the morning, be advised that any and all reading in the Chicago area has been postponed to Wednesday night. See you then.
2. And we’re back
Here’s how one might view the Greg Maddux trade: The Cubs are sending him on a summer vacation, and if he wins a World Series, he can come home and tell us all about it.
3. Mark it down
The Bulls’ schedule is out, and they open Halloween night at Miami. Right. Of course. It had to be the Heat. ENOUGH!
4. Sweat stained
Floyd Landis’ backup doping test gets announced Saturday. Oh, good. Now he can spend the rest of this week relaxing and enjoying himself.
5. Make it stop
Our attention turns to ESPN’s X Games, and do you know what that means? NFL and college football … cannot … get here … fast enough.
6. No joke
Rest easy, America. ESPN airs the 2006 World Sports Stacking championship on Aug. 21. Yes, the World Sports Stacking championship.
7. Silent nights
No news out of Bears training camp is good news. Trust us on this.
8. Tea ball
Not that Derek Jeter’s cologne won’t do well among Red Sox fans, but there are rumors of a nighttime raid to dump barrels of it into the Boston harbor.
9. Utter insanity
Bears are early three-point favorites over the 49ers in their exhibition opener. And if you bet the Bears, you’re an early favorite to be mocked for betting on NFL exhibition football.
FIVE THINGS …
I’m betting on:
– Another Mel Gibson apology.
– Someone published a 2006 Heisman Watch.
– Testosterone will soon fire its PR staff.
– Bartolo Colon doesn’t have a cologne.
– The Cubs to neither win, place or show.
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REDEYESPORTS@TRIBUNE.COM
