Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) joins us Wednesdays. And don’t forget: You can visit us day or night, rain or shine at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: Give Greg Maddux some advice about life in L.A.
Jimmy Greenfield: Always, always tow the rubber.
Phillip Thompson: Greg, you can drive your SUV to the pitcher’s mound, but you just have to have it valet parked.
Leo Ebersole: By law, your coffee order has to be at least 10 words long.
Mike North: Keep the ball in the park, get the Jack Nicholson treatment. Don’t, and get the Mel Gibson treatment.
Bag Boy: Greg, you’re not getting any younger. It’s tempting, but please resist the desire to get implants.
TOPIC 2: How can Floyd Landis kill time before his next test results are in?
Jimmy Greenfield: Just for laughs, start calling around looking for endorsement deals.
Phillip Thompson: He can make anagrams with his name. I like “lady old fins” and “sadly fold in.”
Leo Ebersole: The way all cyclists kill time before getting their test results–axle grease and hookers.
Mike North: Maybe help Bag Boy answer some of the questions from Five on Five.
Bag Boy: Now might be a good time for that three-month bike trip across Antarctica.
TOPIC 3: When Brett Favre calls the Packers “talented,” what does he mean?
Jimmy Greenfield: It’s a sign to Daniel Snyder that he’s ready to be GM of the Redskins.
Phillip Thompson: “Talented” to someone like Favre means you can tie your shoes without getting a headache.
Leo Ebersole: He means they have what it takes to be good five years after he retires.
Mike North: Saying that shows that not only is your arm going but so is your mind.
Bag Boy: C’mon, it’s an inside joke. Like when I call Green Bay a “thriving metropolis.”
TOPIC 4: What’s the name of your own personalized cologne?
Jimmy Greenfield: “Heaven Scent.” Put it on, and it will kill you.
Phillip Thompson: “Fantasy of Phil.” Byyyy Mennen.
Leo Ebersole: “Underarm-er.”
Mike North: Everyone knows it’s called”How Ya’ Doing?” cologne.
Bag Boy: “Paper Tiger.” For your inner kitty cat. Warning: It folds under any kind of heat.
TOPIC 5: Which Five on Five question will Mike North complain about this week?
Jimmy Greenfield: Ooh, Question Guy is taking on North. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Phillip Thompson: Not saying he mails it in, but Whizzer chases him regularly.
Leo Ebersole: Nos. 1, 2 and 5. And possiblyNo. 4.
Mike North: Uh oh, does someone haverabbit ears?
Bag Boy: Doesn’t matter. It’s like arguing with umps. The calls don’t change, but at least you feel better.
