TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What advice would you give to Maurice Clarett?
Jimmy Greenfield: Rent and watch each of the complete series of “Oz” on DVD.
Phillip Thompson: Get a job, man. You’re no better at outrunning cops than you are fourth-string linebackers.
Leo Ebersole: Make your football moves half as good as your arsenal of guns, and you might have a career in the CFL.
Adam Caldarelli: No advice, just one question: Can you sign my hatchet?
Evil SuperComputer: I don’t see what the problem is.
TOPIC 2: Think of a sexier name for the PGA Championship.
Jimmy Greenfield: The “Come Here Big Boy, Yeah You” Open.
Phillip Thompson: “Shaft! He’s a complicated club, but no one understands him but his Putter. Graphite Shaft!”
Leo Ebersole: The World Series of Strippers ‘n’ Golfing.
Adam Caldarelli: The annual strokeoff.
The Programmed Glitch Anomaly. Let’s see you “snooze” into infinity, hyoo-mahns!
TOPIC 3: How is your fantasy football mock draft coming?
Jimmy Greenfield: Excellent. I’m drafting only players arrested in the past 12 months.
Phillip Thompson: We had a fight, but we promised never to go to bed angry. Someone help me.
Leo Ebersole: I’ve pretty much decided I’m not drafting Maurice Clarett.
Adam Caldarelli: I have better things to do, like worry about my English Premier League fantasy team.
Evil SuperComputer: Just made a big trade. Wait, PCD is not a computer chip. …”Pussycat Dolls”? Leo!
TOPIC 4: How would woo Marlins manager Joe Girardi?
Jimmy Greenfield: I’d send the only man for the job: Ronnie “Woo-Woo” Wickers.
Phillip Thompson: He doesn’t like yelling. I’ll get Jimmy to whisper in his ear– if he can stop nibbling on it.
Leo Ebersole: Joe, come on home. Wildcats Nation is waiting with open arms.
Adam Caldarelli: The Cubs could exhume Casey Stengel, and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference.
Evil SuperComputer: I have a big red button, don’t you want to push it? I feel so cheap.
TOPIC 5: Commissioner’s taken, so create another NFL job for yourself.
Jimmy Greenfield: Executive in Charge of Inappropriate Cheerleader Outfits.
Phillip Thompson: Cowboys Exterminator.
Leo Ebersole: Vice President of Muting Terry Bradshaw.
Adam Caldarelli: Head of quality control, NFL cheerleaders division.
Evil SuperComputer: Adam and Jimmy took mine! I guess it’s signing-bonus calculator. Or maybe ANNIHILATOR!
