TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What’s the best part of the Bears’ quarterback derby?
Phillip Thompson: After it’s all over, drinks are on Kyle Orton. Literally.
Leo Ebersole: That both of the lead horses could be sharing a hospital ward with Barbaro by September.
Brian Moore: There can only be one winner.
Bag Boy: This is sick, but to me the beautiful part is it never ends. Going on 25 years now.
Evil Super Computer: Once the dust clears, the starter will be … me. ACCEPT IT OR PERISH!
TOPIC 2: Joe Buck as host of Fox’s NFL pregame show means what exactly?
Phillip Thompson: We know who’s secretly pulling the strings at Fox: Leon from the Budweiser commercials.
Leo Ebersole: You know how some cities have smog alerts? Now they’ve got smug alerts.
Brian Moore: We’ll hear a lot of jokes, but not much about football.
Bag Boy: It’ll be hell doing that Sunday NFL show while calling another World Series in Chicago.
Evil Super Computer: You see, my Terry Bradshaw has become more powerful than ever before.
TOPIC 3: Stephon Marbury has a new sneaker that sells for $14.98. Your thoughts?
Phillip Thompson: I know I’ve ripped Starbury, but he gets points for remembering one thing: Kicks are for kids.
Leo Ebersole: This means Isiah Thomas will be spending $3,000 on his pair.
Brian Moore: Perfect. That’s about how much he’s worth too.
Bag Boy: It just got easier to Christmas shop for Larry Brown this year.
Evil Super Computer: Four digits, one decimal.
I sense a hacker in my midst. DAMN YOU.
TOPIC 4: What would the hip golf fan wear to this week’s PGA Championship?
Phillip Thompson: Shiny gold Hammer pants. Then everybody dance at once when Tiger’s putting.
Leo Ebersole: A T-shirt with a picture of a wrecked Benz and the words “My other driver is Lindsay Lohan.”
Brian Moore: A beer-stained shirt in honor of John Daly.
Bag Boy: A satellite dish to pick up the Sox-Twins games.
Evil Super Computer: Who told you I was building a streaking robot? DAMN THESE INFORMATION LEAKS!
TOPIC 5: If you could rename the Washington Redskins, what would the name be?
Phillip Thompson: I did an anagram and found “Nerd Kiss.” Now we know owner Dan Snyder is no coincidence.
Leo Ebersole: “The Incredibles,” copyright infringement be damned.
Brian Moore: “The Real D.C.” They have drama, backstabbing and rich characters that whine a lot.
Bag Boy: “The FedExes.” You got a fading NFL talent? D.C. picks them up overnight.
Evil Super Computer: Why fight a built-in marketing winner? “Washington Snakes on a Plane” it is.
