Everyone in the family has his or her own opinion. Mom says you shouldn’t be afraid of the dark because there are no such things as ghosts. And Dad thinks you’re too old for a nightlight. What do they know?
Sometimes kids have questions and the adults in their lives don’t have the right answers. Fortunately, there are plenty of professionals who can help kids solve their sometimes-embarrassing problems, such as fearing the dark, nail biting and thumb sucking.
There are no monsters in the closet
You’re afraid of the dark. Don’t worry, you’re not alone — lots of kids are afraid of the dark, or they think they are. Being afraid of the dark really has little to do with bogeymen and monsters, says psychologist Linda Rubinowitz of Northwestern University’s Family Institute.
The fear actually is anxiety. A kid might feel upset about a fight with a friend or a sibling. Or a kid can be anxious because Mom and Dad are divorcing or a family member is ill. Kids take those feelings and turn them from inside feelings to outside fears. “It then comes from the outside and becomes the bogeyman,” Rubinowitz says.
Being afraid of the dark means a kid is searching for comfort and assurance. Rubinowitz says kids can use familiarity to comfort themselves. Bring a favorite stuffed animal to bed or flick on a nightlight so you can see the familiar objects in your room.
Kids also can find comfort by proving to themselves that the bogeyman really isn’t in the closet. Do a check before bed and open the closet doors, look under the bed and walk down the hall to see Mom or Dad really is just a few feet away. “Reassure yourself that it’s safe around you,” Rubinowitz says.
Have a family member assist if you’re too scared to look under the bed. Parents can be helpful because they can give assurance that everything really is safe. Kids also should talk to their pediatricians or school counselors if they’re still scared. Rubinowitz says most kids no longer are afraid of the dark by the middle of grade school.
Not as harmless as it seems
Many kids start sucking their thumbs as babies. “Thumb sucking starts off for infants as a normal way to calm down,” says Dr. Mary J. Hayes, spokeswoman for the American Dental Association.
As kids become older, thumb sucking becomes a habit. And that habit can cause problems. Thumb suckers face a greater risk of getting protruding front teeth that need to be corrected with braces, Hayes says.
Thumb sucking also can cause jaw problems. Because a kid’s mouth is still developing, sucking the thumb changes the balance of the jaw. This uneven jaw, called “cross jaw,” can be subtle in some kids but obvious in others, Hayes says.
Hayes also sees thumb-sucking kids develop an “open bite,” in which the back teeth bite together but the front teeth don’t touch at all. “The tongue will sit in the space,” Hayes says. “That has implications for speech. They tend to get a little lisp.”
Kids who want to stop sucking their thumbs need to find their own reasons to quit. “It’s like any other habit — you have to find the personal motivation to flip the switch to not do it,” Hayes says.
She recommends developing a one-month quitting plan with a reward at the end. Kids also can see their dentists and ask for a recommendation for a “coach,” a professional who helps kids stop sucking their thumbs.
Dentists also can fit kids with mouth gear that will remind them to stop thumb sucking. Hayes says older kids often suck their thumbs unconsciously or when tired.
It’s unwise to gnaw your nails
Some kids bite their nails because they are too lazy to find a nail clipper to do the job. But most kids bite their nails because they are anxious, says Dr. Louis Krause, chief of child and adolescent psychiatry at Rush University Medical Center.
Nail biting can wear away tooth enamel. And biting nails so short that they bleed can cause infection. Krause says kids who bite until their nails bleed should see a doctor.
Kids who are dealing with serious stress at home or school also may need to talk to their parents or a doctor for help with their anxiety, she adds.
But kids who just bite as a bad habit probably can stop on their own. “For some children, as soon as it’s addressed, the behavior stops,” Krause says.
Other kids may take a few months to stop biting their nails, so Krause says kids shouldn’t be feel frustrated if it takes them longer to quit.
Kids can stop nail biting by learning to distract themselves. Krause says kids need to find “something to do other than bite or pick or at their nails.”
Stop yourself every time you realize you want to bite your nails and do something else instead. Keep a small squishy ball in your pocket or play with a rubber band.
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Information, please
Have more questions that need answers? In addition to KidsHealth.org, where you can e-mail questions to the editor or read articles inspired by kids’ questions, there are plenty of other places where kids can get expert information on health and other problems. Here are a few:
– Bam.gov: BAM stands for “Body and Mind,” and this colorful Web site answers kids’ questions about nutrition, sports, life and safety.
– PBSKids.org/Itsmylife/: Get advice or read articles about friends, family, school, body and money questions.
– “What to Do When You’re Scared & Worried” by James J. Crist (Free Spirit Press, $9.95). Get ideas on how to deal with big and small worries.
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Got a problem? This Web site is designed to help kids
Think you’re the only one with personal questions? Many other kids have concerns they only want answered by the experts. Debra Moffitt, the kids’ section editor for KidsHealth.org, receives thousands of e-mails from kids who don’t want to ask their parents questions about feelings and bodily functions.
The Web site receives mostly behavioral-type questions about stress, crushes and family problems such as divorce. “The next category that is really popular is body functions. Kids have asked me what happens when you swallow gum,” Moffitt says.
Kids also have questions about puberty as well as nutrition and fitness. “We do get quite a few kids who are hoping they are the right weight for their height,” she says.
Many kids have queries about diseases such as chicken pox and mono. Other kids e-mail Moffitt with questions about substance abuse, such as, “How do I get my parent to stop smoking?”
Answers to personal questions are on Web sites, but Moffitt says she hopes kids will use the information as an ice-breaker for talking with their moms and dads. “We’re hoping they will go to their parents,” she says.
