They play to win bragging rights and settle family fights. Nothing beats the Saturday morning of a good college football rivalry–and the back-and-forth from alums of both schools.
EAST
HARVARD-YALE
“Sometimes I’ll go somewhere and some guy will say, ‘Hey man, I like your show–even though I’m a Yale man,’ ” Harvard man Conan O’Brien said. “And I’m like, ‘Wow, you’re still talking about that?’
“And then I hit them in the throat, and they go down fast.”
Harvard has won five straight in the game simply known as … The Game.
TAKE THAT, HARVARD: “Harvard? Never heard of it.”
— Dr. Timothy Shriver, executive director, Special Olympics
TAKE THAT, YALE:
“I don’t have anything against Yale except for one thing that has nothing to do with football: They have given us the worst president in my lifetime.”
–Michael Dukakis, former presidential candidate
SOUTHWEST
TEXAS-OKLAHOMA
It will be a cold day in Corpus Christi before Tom Kite, a Texas man through and through, steps foot in the Sooner State. “That’s just not a very good place,” the former Longhorns golfing great said.
Texas’ win last season broke a streak of Sooner dominance.
TAKE THAT, TEXAS: “While the Sooners were proudly blazing a trail across the frontier, didn’t longhorns almost become extinct?”–Shannon Miller, Olympic gymnast
TAKE THAT, OKLAHOMA: “One word: Noodling. Unlike Oklahoma, it’s still illegal to fish with your fingers as bait in Texas. Hook ’em!”
–Betty Nguyen, anchor, CNN
WEST
USC-UCLA
When it comes to football, the Trojans have been Hollywood stars, with 11 national titles to the Bruins’ one. And the high-dollar private school hasn’t lost to the crosstown public school since the 20th Century.
TAKE THAT, USC:
“I hate USC because of its constant athletic failures and blindingly ugly cheerleading squad–and that goes for the dudes too.”
–Will Forte, “Saturday Night Live”
TAKE THAT, UCLA:
“I love the San Diego Chargers’ powder blue uniforms, but UCLA’s powder blue and gold pants have always made me think ‘soft.’ “
–Sean Salisbury, ESPN football analyst
MIDWEST
MICHIGAN-OHIO STATE
Legend has it that the late Woody Hayes–on his way back from a recruiting trip in Michigan and running low on gas as he approached the Ohio state line–ordered his driver not to stop to fuel up on the Michigan side. He didn’t want to give a Wolverine a stinkin’ cent of his money.
The Buckeyes have gotten the best of the border war in recent years, going 4-1 under Jim Tressel.
TAKE THAT, MICHIGAN: “I would never live in Michigan. It’s the only state where you can put more miles on your snowblower than your car.” –Mike Bettes, Weather Channel host
TAKE THAT, OHIO STATE: “I have absolutely no problem with Ohio State. It has a beautiful campus, and for a junior college it really has great academics.” –Billy Jaffe, radio voice of the Atlanta Thrashers
CHICAGO
ILLINOIS-NORTHWESTERN
It’s not as big as other rivalries, but there’s plenty of bad blood locally when the Orange and Purple clash. Northwestern has won the last three meetings, but Illinois leads the all-time series 51-43-5.
TAKE THAT, ILLINOIS
“If Illinois fans want to see what the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk looks like, we’d be happy to e-mail a picture–or, if that’s too fancy, send one by carrier pigeon.”
–Leo Ebersole, RedEye columnist
TAKE THAT, NORTHWESTERN
“I suggest the Illini force Northwestern into as many onsides kicks as possible. Seems like a very easy way to score against the Mildcats.”
–Chris Malcolm, RedEye sports editor
