TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What is the biggest benefit of being a pro team mascot?
Jimmy Greenfield: Publicly giving the “real” finger to Rasheed Wallace, but only you know you did it.
Phillip Thompson: When you smack the police with big furry hands, people think it’s a Keystone cops bit.
Leo Ebersole: Getting kicked in the groin repeatedly by a 7-year-old. What’s not to like?
Bag Boy: You don’t need to talk to communicate.
So Benny, who does your hair?
Benny The Bull: How did I get in this place … Hello? What is this?
TOPIC 2: How does one celebrate third place in the world basketball championships?
Jimmy Greenfield: On the flight home, watching the complete second season of “Joey.”
Phillip Thompson: With a fifth of the hard stuff. Why even have an NBA?
Leo Ebersole: The same way those Little Leaguers did: Granola bars, juice boxes and lots of crying.
Bag Boy: Ignoring it helps ease the–ATCHOO!–pain–ATCHOO! Benny, please stop shedding.
Benny The Bull: No seriously, how did I get in here? Who keeps asking these questions?
TOPIC 3: Jeopardy answer: Ex-Bear Michael Haynes. Answer in the form of a question.
Jimmy Greenfield: Who was the Bears’ first-round bust not named Thomas, McNown, Enis, Grossman …?
Phillip Thompson: What is “Look Where We’ve Got Our Haynes Now?” GM Jerry Angelo gets a wedgie.
Leo Ebersole: This ex-Bear was the subject of the underwear joke “Wait ’til we get our Haynes on you.”
Bag Boy: Which unbronzed bust won’t be making the Pro Football Hall of Fame?
Benny The Bull: What the devil kind of trick questioning is this? Answer in a question? Nice try.
TOPIC 4: Watching Andre Agassi cry aT the U.S. Open made you …
Jimmy Greenfield: … remember to take my menopausal medicine.
Phillip Thompson: … think he finally realizes he’s married to Steffi Graf.
Leo Ebersole: … consider shaving my head. But then I thought of Jimmy.
Bag Boy: … remind myself to watch “Brian’s Song” before the Bears opener.
Benny The Bull: … itchy.
TOPIC 5: Brand-new month ahead. Make an off-the-wall Chicago sports prediction for September.
Jimmy Greenfield: Bronko Nagurski will outgain Cedric Benson and Thomas Jones, combined.
Phillip Thompson: Week 3 starter Brian Griese breaks his leg after tripping over No. 1 fan Verne Troyer.
Leo Ebersole: Benny lands “SportsCenter” anchor job and is loved by all after turning off Stu Scott’s mic.
Bag Boy: No Chicago team will win a championship of any shape or size.
Benny The Bull: I’ll still be trapped inside this RedEye apparatus, answering absurd lines of misleading government questioning.
