TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: How can you tell it’s Packers week here in Chicago?
Jimmy Greenfield: The traditional green water that can be found in Chicago’s toilets.
Phillip Thompson: Jimmy changes his ringtone to “Eye of the Tiger” and insists on singing along.
Leo Ebersole: The unmistakable stink of burning cheese.
Bag Boy: I wake up at 2 a.m. in a cold sweat screaming, “Brett Favre is just a man!”
Stick Figure: I’m looking at my reflection in the mirror. Nobody’s ever told me I’m bald.
TOPIC 2: Say something very nice about Zinedine Zidane’s sister?
Jimmy Greenfield: She’s got great zits.
Phillip Thompson: She’s way hotter than his mom, but not nearly as easy.
Leo Ebersole: Her hair has way more luster than her brother’s.
Bag Boy: Never met her, but I’m sure she’s incredibly proud of her cheap-shot artist brother.
Stick Figure: I don’t have any brothers or sisters. Or parents. Or friends. Or ferrets.
TOPIC 3: Can you write a haiku dedicated to Sox fans in this space?
Jimmy Greenfield: It must hurt so bad/to suffer through this losing/honest? makes me laugh
Phillip Thompson: A call to playoffs/Ozzie Ozzie oxen free!/Bring now the Xanax
Leo Ebersole: Would it cheer you up/To know that Minnesotans/ Root for the Vikings?
Bag Boy: One Series recalled/One memory to cherish/ for 50 more years
Stick Figure: That rainbow right there/ I wonder if it tastes like/ tasty rainbow chips
TOPIC 4: Sunday it’s Peyton Manning vs. Eli Manning. Predict one brotherly act.
Jimmy Greenfield: Afterward, Peyton celebrates by pinning Eli to the ground and letting a loogy hang over his face.
Phillip Thompson: The shotgun offense goes to the first one tocallitSHOTGUN!
Leo Ebersole: Ex-Lax in the coffee, Ben Gay in the jock–and imagine what they’ll do to each other.
Bag Boy: Peyton: “Mom likes me best.” Eli: “Because you’re the daughter she always wanted.”
Stick Figure: I had no idea what a haiku was on that last one, but I really nailed it. Boy, oh, boy!
TOPIC 5: You’re a college football coach. You have a new offense. What’s the nickname?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Point-a-Quarter offense.
Phillip Thompson: The Praybook.
Leo Ebersole: The Wingbone. It incorporates a few new formations and a flock of wild chickens.
Bag Boy: The Attack of the Best Offense Money Can Buy.
Stick Figure: I don’t go to college. It’s overrated. Look at me–I’m walkin’, talkin’ proof.
———-
Visit us at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive
