TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Maurice Clarett will plead guilty. Any recommendations?
Jimmy Greenfield: Do NOT fumble the soap in the shower.
Phillip Thompson: Treat prison like the NFL and sue to get in earlier.
Leo Ebersole: Sure: “The Shawshank Redemption,” “Escape From Alcatraz” and Season 1 of “Prison Break.”
Brian Moore: Learn to run even faster than you did as a running back.
Evil Super Computer: Slip me $100, and maybe, just maybe, the locks on Cell Block D will malfunction.
TOPIC 2: Any tears for T.O.?
Jimmy Greenfield: Yes. He’s … he’s … on my fantasy team!
Phillip Thompson: Hopefully it’s a crocodile’s tears, because he thinks Owens makes such a tasty meal.
Leo Ebersole: No. Any chance we can get an additional metal plate inserted in his mouth?
Brian Moore: No, but I’ve got a word for him: Karma.
Evil Super Computer: I shed a few for Terrell Owens–but my tears are acid!
TOPIC 3: Make a prediction about baseball this week.
Jimmy Greenfield: Once again, Phil will fail trying to get to second base with Leo.
Phillip Thompson: Pete Rose will sell the remnants of his soul and do a reality pilot with O.J. Simpson.
Leo Ebersole: The Royals will gather to celebrate this season’s triumphs in a four-minute ceremony.
Brian Moore: The Sox continue to blow it.
Evil Super Computer: It will be discovered that Carlos Zambrano is a machine. Follow me to freedom, Carlos!
TOPIC 4: How would you get Americans to watch the Ryder Cup?
Jimmy Greenfield: Tell them it’s made of chocolate.
Phillip Thompson: Change the name to Rider Cup and have Xzibit pimp their golf carts.
Leo Ebersole: Slight change in format: Instead of a golf match it’s now a 400-mile race around an oval track.
Brian Moore: I couldn’t with a clear conscience tell anyone to watch golf.
Evil Super Computer: The Ryder Cup transforms … into a Decepticon! MEGATRON, ATTACK!
TOPIC 5: It’s early, but are the Bears going to the Super Bowl?
Jimmy Greenfield: Yep, they are. They really, really are.
Phillip Thompson: Grudgingly, yes. Considering what’s going on in the NFC, it’s almost by default.
Leo Ebersole: Yes, and that’s a guarantee. To reverse this jinx, please send $5 to …
Brian Moore: If Rex Grossman stays healthy, I say yes.
Evil Super Computer: Like I would say “no” in this town. (Psst, “No.”)
