TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Who’s better, the Bears or Seahawks, and why?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Bears. Why? Because we like you. L-O-V-I-E.
Phillip Thompson: I pick the Seahawks because I’ve started kind of slow on the hate mail this week.
Leo Ebersole: The Seahawks’ uniforms make it look like they’ve got 11 rhinestones playing. I rest my case.
Bag Boy: I have a $30 million bet going with some Microsoft guys. C’mon, Bears!
Sox Hand: My Sox were the best. Once. So long ago. D-d-don’t stop … (sniff) believin’ …
TOPIC 2: What sport is missing in Chicago?
Jimmy Greenfield: NHL hockey. Oh, that’s too easy. And yet … it feels so right.
Phillip Thompson: Extreme tobogganing. I just invented it, and we’re already 5 games back in the division.
Leo Ebersole: Too soon to make a baseball joke here?
Bag Boy: Seahawk hunting.
Sox Hand: LET’S TAKE IT OUTSIDE, EBERSOLE! I MEAN IT!
TOPIC 3: What did QB Chris Simms’ spleen say at the post-surgery news conference?
Jimmy Greenfield: “I feel great despite having Chris Simms removed. I’m just lucky he was a non-essential QB.”
Phillip Thompson: “Chris and I had some philosophical differences, and I demanded a trade.”
Leo Ebersole: “Don’t write me off yet. I feel like I have a pretty good future on the black market in Hong Kong.”
Bag Boy: “It’s always tough getting cut, but I have a three-episode arc on ‘ER’ lined up.”
Sox Hand: A spleen is nothing. Try having your heart ripped out!
TOPIC 4: Why can’t the U.S. win at international sports anymore?
Jimmy Greenfield: A grand diplomatic gesture, right up there with letting Tony Kornheiser stay in this country.
Phillip Thompson: We can’t seem to win anything on international soil, right Mr. President?
Leo Ebersole: We need more verbally and physically abusive coaches at the youth league level.
Bag Boy: Because we need le kick in le pantalones.
Sox Hand: You guys wanna stand outside the Cell and just look at it for a few hours? Pretty. So pretty.
TOPIC 5: Espn.com calls Frank Thomas his generation’s greatest ‘organically grown’ hitter. Meaning?
Jimmy Greenfield: As a boy, Frank Thomas was raised by spinach plants.
Phillip Thompson: With the stuff he and Ken Williams were shoveling last year, it’s no wonder he’s blossoming.
Leo Ebersole: He’s overpriced and starts going bad the day you pick him up.
Bag Boy: Meaning if Frank’s a free-range chicken, then Sammy Sosa is a McNugget.
Sox Hand: Frank? Frank? Is that you (sob) old pal? Hold me.
