I’m looking for an enemy.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a friendly pooch. But nothing grabs the ol’ headlines like a grudge match. Well we have plenty on tap, kids. The Terrell Owens-Eagles marathon may as well start its own 24-hour cable news station. San Francisco coordinator Norv Turner plans to carve his old Raiders defense.
New York Giant linebacker Lavar Arrington will try to reminisce with former Redskins teammates. By “reminisce” I mean mow them into mulch.
And Captain Cool Dick Jauron’s coming back to Chicago. Don’t let him fool you–he’s just raw emotion under that comatose exterior. He would love nothing more than to bring Rex Grossman and the vaunted Bears offense (third most in points) back to Earth.
Would you, Dick? Dick? Blink once for yes.
MATCHUP
BEARS vs. Buffalo
noon, CBS
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW
In all the talk about Rex Grossman and the Bears defense, we’ve overlooked that Dick Jauron is facing his old team. Is he excited?
“Am I going to tell you that?” Jauron said, grinning. “No.” (Dick always did subscribe to the Jerry Manuel school of personal magneticism). He’ll give the Bears D a real test after Seattle bombed.
RB Willis McGahee leads the NFL with 389 rushing yards. THE LINE
Bears by 10 1/2
FINAL SHAKE
Bears
Cleveland at Carolina noon
You’re not going to believe this. Through four games, Browns QB Charlie Frye has accounted for 8 TDs (5 passing) to tie for the most among AFC QBs. Told ya.
Panthers by 8
Panthers
Detroit at Minnesota noon
What in the name of Culpepper to Moss is going on with the Vikings?
For the first time in franchise history, their first four contests have been decided by 5 points or less.
Vikings by 61/2
Lions
Miami at New England noon
In the last meeting, Ricky Williams rushed for 108 yards to help the Fins win 6 straight. That should tell you how long ago that was and how much has changed since!
Patriots by 9 1/2
Patriots
St. Louis at Green Bay noon
Brett Favre has receiver issues: They’re either headed to the trainer’s table or headed to the hoosegow!
Rams by 3 1/2
Rams
Tampa Bay at New Orleans noon
OK, last Chris Simms joke: It’s a good thing he didn’t lose his spleen in New Orleans, because it would have ended up in somebody’s gumbo.
Saints by 6 1/2
Saints
Tennessee at Indianapolis noon
Everyone wants to forget that bit of ugliness with Albert “Footloose” Haynesworth, but let’s outfit all the Titans with big, soft bunny slippers just as a precaution.
Colts by 18
Colts
Washington at N.Y. Giants, noon
The Giants had better work on that leaky secondary, because here comes Santana Moss (19.2 yards) and their flying Walenda offense–just one step from greatness or disaster.
Giants by 4
Redskins
Dallas at Phila., 3:15 p.m., FOX
Terrell Owens is talking about ex-QB Donovan McNabb again. Donnie Mac is talking about ex-WR T.O. again.
Glad the lines of ex-communication are open again.
Eagles by 2
Eagles
Kansas City at Arizona 3:05 p.m.
Larry Johnson needs 78 yards to become the only player since 1970 to rush for 2,000 yards in his first 16 starts. Over two seasons of course. It’s like a Tiger Slam.
Chiefs by 3 1/2
Chiefs
N.Y. Jets at Jacksonville 3:05 p.m.
Ex-Marshall QBs Chad Pennington and Byron Leftwich square off. Don’t you care about the other schools? It’s always Marshall, Marshall, Marshall!
Jaguars by 7
Jets
Oakland at San Francisco 3:05 p.m.
Randy Moss says he’s not worried because no one else is. Art Shell says he’s not worried about players talking to the media. It’s all Hakuna Matata in 0-3 Raiderville.
49ers by 3 1/2
49ers
Pittsburgh at San Diego 7:15 p.m., NBC
Chargers coach Mart Schotteinheimer passed former Steelers coach Chuck Knox in all time victories. But he’s already far exceeded him in syllables.
Chargers by 3 1/2
Steelers
Baltimore at Denver 7:30 p.m., ESPN
These teams never tip, that’s how stingy these defenses are. And rimshot!Baltimore’s third in the NFL (8.2 points per game), Denver’s fourth (10.3).
Broncos by 4
Ravens
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redeyesports@tribune.com
