Chicagosports.com’s Adam Caldarelli returns, like the Bears’ Devin Hester makes returns–just without the goofy end zone dance.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Say something comforting to Mike Brown.
Jimmy Greenfield: Look at the bright side. You’re the Rex Grossman of the defense.
Phillip Thompson: Every cloud has a sliver lining–that’s the lead poisoning.
Leo Ebersole: At least you’ll have the time now to teach the offense how to score touchdowns.
Adam Caldarelli: That ball you threw into the crowd was the best pass a Bears player made all game.
Bag Boy: Mike, I’ll be there to heckle you through rehab. Together, we’ll get through this.
TOPIC 2: What would you say to somebody who had the Cubs’ logo put on their casket?
Jimmy Greenfield: “You’re not only dead, you’re also redundant.”
Phillip Thompson: That’s redundant.
Leo Ebersole: I’d like to nominate you, posthumously, for poet laureate of the United States.
Adam Caldarelli: Nothing. They’re dead. They can’t hear. Who writes these questions?
Bag Boy: We’ve been dying a slow death for 99 years, pal. You got off easy.
TOPIC 3: We know what Lou Piniella said at his news conference. But what was he thinking?
Jimmy Greenfield: “Dusty was right, they’ll believe anything you say at first.”
Phillip Thompson: “What was I thinking?!”
Leo Ebersole: He was prepping his “The Cubs ARE who I THOUGHT they were!” speech for mid-June.
Adam Caldarelli: “Mommy!”
Bag Boy: “I hope Ronnie Woo-Woo pronounces my name right.”
TOPIC 4: Who will get fired first, Piniella or Ozzie Guillen?
Jimmy Greenfield: Piniella. Ozzie won’t be fired, he’ll retire and become a Sun-Times sports columnist.
Phillip Thompson: Ozzie, if by “fired” you mean spontaneously combust.
Leo Ebersole: Piniella, if only because he’ll leave in the middle of night games to watch “60 Minutes.”
Adam Caldarelli: Jim Hendry.
Bag Boy: You do not want to give me that kind of power. YOU. DO. NOT.
TOPIC 5: What will it take to get you interested in the Blackhawks?
Jimmy Greenfield: Hey, I’m interested. But I’m still not giving the Wirtz’s any of my money.
Phillip Thompson: Some actual black Hawks, high-sticking it to The Man.
Leo Ebersole: Roughly 10,000 volts of electricity.
Adam Caldarelli: If they start playing football.
Bag Boy: More checking. Not hitting-the-boards “checking,” but stuffing-my-bank-account “checking.”
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