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1. Light viewing

CBS is calling its new drama about brain surgeons “3 Lbs.,” because that’s the average weight of a human brain–well, 1.5 if you’re a Simpson sister.

2. System failure

Apparently there’s a virus infecting a few new iPods. I’m pretty sure it’s that “Chain Hang Low” song.

3. Brand new

This just in: The new-look Britney Spears is the new new-look Christina Aguilera.

4. Ah, fashion

Early results from “America’s Next Top Fanta Spokesperson” were promising.

5. Apply now

Rod Stewart has the No. 1 album in America right now, clearing the way for eightysomething British rockers everywhere to audition for “American Idol.”

6. The guardian

Justin Timberlake is set to perform at this year’s “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.” And his girlfriend Cameron Diaz will be sitting in the front row with her favorite kitchen knife.

7. Forgive me

I was all set to write something, and an ad for Papa John’s “Sausage sensation” pizza came on. I’m going to need a minute to stop laughing about that name.

8. Branching out

Tim Burton’s adaptation of “Sweeney Todd” will star Johnny Depp and now Helena Bonham Carter. Does anyone else get the feeling Tim needs to update his buddy list?

9. Cheaters often win

From the AP: “A former contributor to the New York Post’s Page Six gossip column who was accused of trying to shake down a billionaire in exchange for good press has signed a book contract.” That oughtta teach him.

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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM