TODAY’S QUESTIONS
The Bears start the week with a 41-10 win. Not the kind of spanking you see every day, but Leo can only take so much abuse.
TOPIC 1: PUT THE BEARS GAME IN THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE.
Jimmy Greenfield: The Bears outscored Arizona and the 49ers 62-0 in less than three quarters of football.
Phillip Thompson: That was so ugly, the Bears went back to 1849 and stuffed the Niners’ gold-rushing game.
Leo Ebersole: This was by far their best win over a college team.
Stick Figure: They wore orange like Halloween candy. Can I eat them?
Bag Boy: I’m keeping a level head about this. But I feel safe saying the Bears could thwart an alien. invasion.
TOPIC 2: WHAT WILL BE DIFFERENT ABOUT THIS NBA SEASON?
Jimmy Greenfield: The refs will get their acts together and only miss 10,000 traveling calls.
Phillip Thompson: As a deputy, Shaq won’t know whether to block or arrest many of his opponents.
Leo Ebersole: Dirk Nowitzki and David Hasselhoff will change places for a week, and no one will notice.
Stick Figure: Timeouts will be used for naughty boys.
Bag Boy: I expect more missed field goals when players kick the new ball into the stands.
TOPIC 3: WHO HAD THE WORST WEEKEND, THE FIRE, BLACKHAWKS, NORTHWESTERN OR ILLINOIS?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Blackhawks, because the ownership didn’t change.
Phillip Thompson: The Fire. Bad enough they blew a lead in the playoffs, but no one had the decency to notice.
Leo Ebersole: Illinois. At least Northwestern’s choking makes history.
Stick Figure: Jimmy looks at a mirror when he helps me tie my shoe.
Bag Boy: The sap who watched every game from his mom’s basement.
TOPIC 4: HOW DID YOU CELEBRATE THE CARDINALS’ WORLD SERIES WIN?
Jimmy Greenfield: The same way I celebrate all Cards’ World Series wins … bourbon, hookers and Busch beer.
Phillip Thompson: When it gets nippy, I make a point to feed all other birds except cardinals.
Leo Ebersole: I fielded the nearest ground ball and threw it away for a two-base error.
Stick Figure: I’m going to be a champagne bubble for Halloween.
Hallo-WHEEEE!
Bag Boy: I banned everything that is red, so I avoided looking at my bank account.
TOPIC 5: THE SAINTS’ “BEER MAN” IS PLAYING AGAIN. WHAT’S NEXT?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Bears’ “Saints Man” will start playing again.
Phillip Thompson: It’s only a matter of time before Leon signs with the Cowboys.
Leo Ebersole: Jimmy and I take over his delivery route, and hilarity ensues.
Stick Figure: What kind of costume is that? You’re dorky, Beer Man.
Bag Boy: He’s running a slant route to my cooler, ASAP.
———-
Visit us at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive
