The Evil Super Computer and chicagosports.com’s Adam Caldarelli promised to play nice … that means a five-second head start for the rest of our panelists.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: WHO WOULD YOU RATHER FACE IN A DARK ALLEY: THE BEARS DEFENSE OR THE BULLS DEFENSE?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Bears defense. I deserve to get the crap beat out of me.
Phillip Thompson: The Bulls. My friend Deputy Shaq is looking for some payback. Just give him an excuse!
Leo Ebersole: The Bears’ D, in their orange jerseys, so at least I’ll see the devastation coming.
Adam Caldarelli: Eleven vs. five … actually, neither.
EvilSuper Computer: You should know I’ve already dialed Chicago P.D. …
TOPIC 2: HOW DOES A PLAYER KNOW WHEN TO RETIRE?
Jimmy Greenfield: He gets up to go to the bathroom, and his knees don’t go with him.
Phillip Thompson: When his body files a grievance against him through the AARP.
Leo Ebersole: When his teammates remember playing as him on Super Nintendo.
Adam Caldarelli: Usually they don’t.
EvilSuper Computer: When you don’t need a mouthguard anymore, Gums McGee!
TOPIC 3: WHAT’S ONE THING YOU’D LIKE TO SAY TO THE ’72 DOLPHINS?
Jimmy Greenfield: OVERRATED! clap clap clap clap clap OVERRATED!
Phillip Thompson: Enough with popping champagne after teams lose. You’re a sham and a pain.
Leo Ebersole: No, I will not settle this on the shuffleboard court.
Adam Caldarelli: You guys are still alive?
EvilSuper Computer: Oh mighty army of ’72 Dolphins! Join me, and we’ll overthrow your tuna-eating oppressors!
TOPIC 4: IF YOU COULD ASK ANY LOCAL ATHLETE A QUESTION, WHO AND WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Ben Wallace: Can I borrow your hair?
Phillip Thompson: Bulls’ Martynas Andriuskevicius: I’m going on “Wheel of Fortune,” can I borrow a few vowels?
Leo Ebersole: Tommie Harris: Could you do me a solid and sack Evil Super Computer?”
Adam Caldarelli: Stacey Dales: Uh, hey, um, um, um, um …
EvilSuper Computer: The Blackhawks: For your annihilation this evening, would you prefer well-done or medium-well?
TOPIC 5: YOU’RE A TV ANALYST. MAKE AN INAPPROPRIATE STATEMENT.
Jimmy Greenfield: Tony Kornheiser is absolutely wonderful.
Phillip Thompson: The next time Bill Parcells decides to kiss someone, I’d like to see more tongue action.
Leo Ebersole: I haven’t seen Bulls trample people like that since Pamplona four summers ago.
Adam Caldarelli: Lou Piniella stole my wallet!
EvilSuper Computer: I’m not wearing anything under this chassis! I like to call it “freeware.”
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