Take heart, Bears, nobody’s perfect. We learn that lesson every day with these five right here. Visit us at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What would you have done differently if you were the Bears’ coach?
Jimmy Greenfield: old the team Dennis Green was coaching Miami.
Phillip Thompson: Resort to dirty tactics: “Nice sack, Jason Taylor … so, um, how’s the missus?”
Leo Ebersole: I’d play an offense the olphins would actually fear: 11 tuna boats.
Brian Moore: Not a damn thing. If a team ever needed to lose, it was this one.
Bag Boy: Rex would have been under the bench at halftime! Get in there, Griese!
TOPIC 2: What got the Dolphins so riled up for this game?
Jimmy Greenfield: They’re professionals. And Nick Saban promised them cookies if they won.
Phillip Thompson: A mysterious series of chirps and squeaks coming from nearby Shedd Aquarium.
Leo Ebersole: When you’re led by the great Joey Harrington, you just instinctively believe in yourself.
Brian Moore: Being called a soulless loser can do that to ya. Or maybe it was all the steroids.
Bag Boy: It was all that undefeated talk, not that I had ANYTHING to do with that.
TOPIC 3: Is there anyone in sports that you want to hug?
Jimmy Greenfield: Lindsay Lohan. I’m always hearing she’s quite the player.
Phillip Thompson: I’d just like to say that “all of the above” was Leo’s original answer.
Leo Ebersole: No one who doesn’t already have court protection against me.
Brian Moore: I think Bobby Knight could use a hug. Lots of them.
Bag Boy: I’d like to see Ben Wallace and Ron Artest hug again–
TO THE DEATH!
TOPIC 4: Why is Terrell Owens falling asleep in meetings?
Jimmy Greenfield: He likes to use the time to dream about himself.
Phillip Thompson: Why’d you ask that? I don’t even own a tranquilizer gun if that’s what you’re implying.
Leo Ebersole: He lost his ego charger in a cab.
Brian Moore: What’s so bad about that? Haven’t you ever fal … zzz zzz zzz zzz.
Bag Boy: He finally bored himself into a coma.
TOPIC 5: What does it mean that 79-year-old Joe Paterno broke his leg?
Jimmy Greenfield: Now they’re going to have to put him to sleep.
Phillip Thompson: That means the leg is the new hip for seniors this fall.
Leo Ebersole: A highly skilled team of carrier pigeons will be harassing the refs this Saturday.
Brian Moore: Someone told him before the game, “Hey Joe, break a leg.” He took them literally.
Bag Boy: Well, there goes Penn State’s running game.
