Adam Caldarelli is chicagosports.com’s ambassador of goodwill.
Or least that’s where all of his clothes come from.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: WITH THE DEMOCRATS IN POWER, WHAT WILL CHANGE IN SPORTS?
Jimmy Greenfield: The U.S. military baseball team will adopt a hit-and-run strategy in Iraq.
Phillip Thompson: A new generation of Congressmen will yell, “We must protect this House of Representatives!”
Leo Ebersole: A general increase in morale among large groups of donkeys, not including the Cubs.
Adam Caldarelli: George Allen immediately is thrown out of the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Bag Boy: Confused John Kerry supporters will sweep Jerry Sloan into the Oval Office.
TOPIC 2: THE SOX ARE CHICAGO’S MOST POPULAR TEAM. WHAT DOES THAT GET THEM?
Jimmy Greenfield: Tens of thousands of people, including me, not believing for a second that it’s true.
Phillip Thompson: More traffic getting home after games. Suckers.
Leo Ebersole: An appearance on “The Tonight Show” along with Dane Cook. Try to contain your excitement.
Adam Caldarelli: Couple more Camaros in the parking lot, few more mullets in the crowd.
Bag Boy: My simultaneous admiration and scorn. That’s the deal.
TOPIC 3: WHO DO YOU THINK IS YOUR SPORTS LOOK-ALIKE?
Jimmy Greenfield: Danny Ferry. But if you add my toupee, then I’ll go with a young Billie Jean King.
Phillip Thompson: Popeye Jones. Those aren’t ears, ladies, they’re love handles.
Leo Ebersole: Joe Paterno’s knee, post-collision.
Adam Caldarelli: Earl Boykins.
Bag Boy: Bud Selig. Hence the bag.
TOPIC 4: MICHELLE KWAN IS ABOUT TO BECOME A DIPLOMAT. WHAT’S HER FIRST DUTY?
Jimmy Greenfield: Incorporate the kiss-and-cry into all state functions.
Phillip Thompson: Institute a more aggressive foreign policy approach: The Wrath of Kwan.
Leo Ebersole: Finding cuter outfits for the world’s dictators.
Adam Caldarelli: Salchows for peace.
Bag Boy: Getting the Russian judges to disarm. (I know, I know, but don’t tell her.)
TOPIC 5: GIVE SOME ADVICE TO JEFF GORDON’S NEW WIFE.
Jimmy Greenfield: Learn to drive stick.
Phillip Thompson: Whatever product you usually buy as a model, get two.
Leo Ebersole: Get used to the sight of corporate logos.
Adam Caldarelli: Considering you’re Belgian, I’m sure no one told you how lame NASCAR really is.
Bag Boy: I know you’re a model, but the Nextel Cup does not have a “size.” ———-
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