Aramis Ramirez and Kerry Wood stay with the Cubs. See? Everybody wants to be around when the Bears win a Super Bowl.
2. Up in arms
Actually, Wood could be a very good relief pitcher–for the Padres when they get him in a deadline deal next summer on the way to the playoffs.
3. Change up
It’s come to this: The owner of your Chicago Wolves says he wants to buy the Cubs, and we laugh and then we think, “That’s not such a bad idea.”
4. A magical year
Sammy Sosa threw himself a 38th birthday bash in the Dominican Republic. Wonder if he left halfway through.
5. The. End.
So it’s Northwestern vs. Illinois next Saturday. Huge game. Loser has a shot at last place in the Big Ten and the winner … I’m sorry. There are no winners here.
6. Could work
Illinois’ strategy to beat the Wildcats? Let Northwestern go up 38-3.
7. Southern discomfort
No. 2 Michigan at No. 1 Ohio State. You’re not just playing for your schools, boys. You’re playing to stuff a sock in the mouth of every SEC football fan out there.
8. Bon appetit
Ben Wallace rebounds like I eat cheese fries. Once I start, I can’t–and won’t–stop.
9. The Unblemished
The Indianapolis Colts are still undefeated. Never thought I’d say this but (pause, take a sip of water, wish around in mouth, gargle, spit, take deep breath and continue): “Go Dolphins.”
FIVE THINGS . . .
. . . ways to make Illinois vs. NU interesting:
– Out: Tackling the ball carrier. In: Tickling the ball carrier.
– One team scores, other team must remove a piece of clothing.
– Loser’s traded to the MAC for Ball State.
– Bypass four quarters, jump straight to OT.
– Watch Michigan vs. Ohio State instead.
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redeyesports@tribune.com
