Wild weekend? Uh-huh. Sit down, have a cup of coffee, tell us about it. So Brian Moore can use it against you later! Visit us at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: THE BEARS SHUTTING OUT THE JETS MEANS …
Jimmy Greenfield: … since the Jets beat New England, the Bears will beat New England 16 to -3.
Phillip Thompson: … Joe Namath must have been playing QB after he had a few. Kegs, I mean.
Leo Ebersole: … they can beat anybody on any given Sunday, so long as Tom Brady comes down with the flu.
Brian Moore: … the Bears were lucky, since they only scored 10 points of their own.
Bag Boy: … you never want to tick off anyone with a name like Coach–I mean–Mr. Mangini.
TOPIC 2: WELCOME NEW CUB ALFONSO SORIANO–IN SONG.
Jimmy Greenfield: “If I had $136 million. … I’d be rich. And on a last-place team.”
Phillip Thompson: “Welcome to the bungle! It gets worse here every day …”
Leo Ebersole: “With a max contract, it’s more dangerous. Here we are now, entertain us.”
Brian Moore: You know that “How to Save a Life” song? Put “the Cubs” in place of “a life.”
Bag Boy: “Your once, twice, $136 million times an outfielder … and I loooooove … you.”
TOPIC 3: WHY ISN’T STEVE SPURRIER INTERESTED IN THE MIAMI JOB?
Jimmy Greenfield: He’s too ethical.(Pause) (Pause) HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Phillip Thompson: With that rowdy bunch, his shotgun offense would take on a whole new meaning.
Leo Ebersole: He’s worried he won’t be able to sell his recruits’ parole officers on the spread offense.
Brian Moore: He thinks Myrtle Beach is gonna be the new South Beach sometime soon.
Bag Boy: Florida fans would drive down from Gainesville and feed him to actual gators.
TOPIC 4: WHAT HAPPENS IF BRETT FAVRE FINALLY MISSES A GAME?
Jimmy Greenfield: He’s going to miss games forever when he retires after this season so, at this point, who cares?
Phillip Thompson: Cheesehead fans have a lot of catching up to do on their reading: “See Spot run …”
Leo Ebersole: The Packers spot their opponent two interceptions in a show of solidarity.
Brian Moore: Bears fans rejoice, Packers fans regurgitate.
Bag Boy: After 251 starts, I finally get to do my naked happy dance–after I shave. Lot of hair in that time.
TOPIC 5: ANYONE WANT TO DO ANY BRAGGING ABOUT NORTHWESTERN’S WIN OVER ILLINOIS?
Jimmy Greenfield: I’d rather discuss Simeon H.S. JV synchronized swimming.
Phillip Thompson: In what, field hockey?
Leo Ebersole: In the grand scheme of things–THE TOMAHAWK IS OURS! WOOOOO!
Brian Moore: I’m staying out of this. I feel dirty just thinking about it.
Bag Boy: Only if you really don’t mind looking that pathetic. Not that that’s ever stopped me.
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