1. Lesson learned
Jessica Alba tops a poll asking students to pick their ideal substitute teacher, leading researchers to conclude that America’s appetite for knowledge has never been smaller.
2. Dr. No freaking way
The new James Bond is manlier than ever … and he potentially could finish second at the box office to a movie starring animated penguins. Ouch.
3. Target audience
An Arizona restaurant called the Heart Attack Grill is serving what it calls a “quadruple bypass burger.” And here I thought network TV was the only business that tries to kill its customers.
4. Discovered
Despite a clever disguise, Jay-Z’s cover is blown when he starts dropping product placements in his rhymes.
5. Tough call
Which do you think came as a bigger relief to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, finally getting married or not being No. 1 on filmthreat.com’s “Frigid 50” list?
6. Sure thing
A lot of critics are already speculating that this marriage won’t last. My thinking: As long as Katie’s willing to indulge Tom and keep pretending that “War of the Worlds” really happened, I see nothing but blue skies ahead.
7. We’ll miss you
Honestly, the best part of this wedding has been watching David and Victoria Beckham’s outfits get a little more ridiculous each day.
8. That and more
Emmitt Smith says all he has to show for his “Dancing With the Stars” win is “some calluses on my toes, achy feet and a trophy.” He forgot to mention “exposure to the house band.”
9. Hey big spender
Did I miss something? When did the Cubs turn into Kevin Federline on allowance day?
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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
