The Blackhawks let go of Trent Yawney and named Denis Savard coach, so we asked Skates, the Wolves mascot, to shed some light–and some fur–on the situation.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: ANY COMFORTING WORDS FOR FIRED BLACKHAWKS COACH TRENT YAWNEY?
Jimmy Greenfield: Congratulations on the promotion.
Phillip Thompson: I’m glad you didn’t suffer long. You’re already in a better place.
Skates: It could be worse, you could have Bag Boy’s athletic talent.
Bag Boy: You can finally tell Bill Wirtz … Bag Dog! What are you doing here!?!
Bag Dog: You’ve been neglecting me this season and I need a bath. Matter of fact, so do you.
TOPIC 2: MAKE A RHYME USING NEW COACH DENIS SAVARD.
Jimmy Greenfield: Hello Hawks fans, you know me as Denis. Trust me, I know Bill Wirtz is a menace.
Phillip Thompson: Your rebuilding so far has been retarded, but congrats to the Hawks, you’ve been Savard-ed!
Skates: That’s silly. First you have to learn how to pronounce a hockey name!
Bag Boy: Denis the player could really skate, Denis the coach is too little too late?
Bag Dog: The Hawks are synonymous with Denis Savard, just like Bag Boy is with a tub of lard.
TOPIC 3: WHAT SHOULD THE BEARS DO WITH BRIAN GRIESE?
Jimmy Greenfield: Write off his salary as a charitable donation.
Phillip Thompson: Give him anti-aircraft missiles to shoot down bad Rex Grossman passes from the sideline.
Skates: Have him screw up clipboard duty so they HAVE to start him at QB.
Bag Boy: Start him, start him, start him, start him–ready for this all night, Lovie?–start him, start him …
Bag Dog: Open up a chain of Griese Burgers. First, middle and last customer: Bag Boy.
TOPIC 4: WRITE A BETTER APOLOGY FOR MICHAEL VICK’S HAND GESTURE.
Jimmy Greenfield: “It will never, ever, never, never, ever, never, ever, never happen again. Unless you boo me.”
Phillip Thompson: “I’m so sorry. That’s the last time I invite a 300-pound lineman to pull my finger.”
Skates: “I’m sorry … but Junior Seau’s forearm gesture was much worse.”
Bag Boy: Forget an apology, I’m coming up with my own gesture for this ingrate mutt o’ mine.
Bag Dog: “Sorry, folks, the middle finger is so basic and crude. I meant to go with ‘The Sicilian.’ “
TOPIC 5: JOSE CANSECO IS ON THE HALL OF FAME BALLOT. THOUGHTS?
Jimmy Greenfield: Madonna was a virgin once. Doesn’t mean she’ll get into the Celibacy Hall of Fame.
Phillip Thompson: Michael Richards has a better chance at joining the Kings of Comedy.
Skates: The ’80s Mullet Hall of Fame is accepting new members?
Bag Boy: Bag Dog, I’m having you neutered. Twice.
Bag Dog: Wha?!
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E-mail the crew at redeyesports@tribune.com.
