It doesn’t get any stranger than Stick Figure and Bag Dog on the same panel. Oh, hello Adam Caldarelli of chicagosports.com. Visit redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive and sign up to make a guest appearance.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: THE VIKINGS SAY REX GROSSMAN IS A COCKY TRASH-TALKER. IMAGINE SOMETHING HE WOULD SAY.
Jimmy Greenfield: “You ain’t going no place! I am waaaaay better than you! You hear me, Brian Griese?”
Phillip Thompson: “You call that an interception? Believe me, I’ve seen better.”
Adam Caldarelli: “Damn, I can throw the hell out of an interception.”
Stick Figure: “You’re a poopy head!” I’m so sorry.
Bag Dog: “I’m a cocky trash-talker. What are you gonna do about it!?” He’s new at it.
TOPIC 2: CAST ONE OF THE “HEROES” CHARACTERS AS AN ATHLETE.
Jimmy Greenfield: One of the “Heroes” will supposedly die next week. Will fit in nicely on the Blackhawks.
Phillip Thompson: Peter Petrelli will sign with the Cubs as a closer: Save the cheerleader, save the World Series.
Adam Caldarelli: The one guy, he could be Henry Blanco. I have no idea.
Stick Figure: “I need a Hiro!–Ker-krash!–I’m holding out for a Hiro ’til the end of the night! …”
Bag Dog: Wait ’til Dan Snyder finds out Hiro can teleport to the end zone. He’s gonna be richer than Oprah!
TOPIC 3: WHY IS 100-METER RECORD HOLDER JUSTIN GATLIN TRYING OUT FOR THE NFL?
Jimmy Greenfield: Due to his intensive track and field training, he never learned what “tackling” was.
Phillip Thompson: Out with the shotgun offense, in with the Gatlin gun offense.
Adam Caldarelli: It’s the Houston Texans. Is that really considered the NFL?
Stick Figure: Oh! Look at the little doggy! And he’s foaming. That means he wants me to pet him.
Bag Dog: You have one minute, Adam, to get this spaz away from me.
TOPIC 4: WHAT IS A CHONE FIGGINS?
Jimmy Greenfield:A low-lying fruit native to New Zealand and southwest Arkansas.
Phillip Thompson: A Scottish fig pudding with wicked speed around the bases.
Adam Caldarelli: The Fig, dude. Where you been?
Stick Figure: I think he was a hobbit in “The Lord of the Rings.”
Bag Dog: It’s either fruit from a tree or baseball trade bait. Either way, it’s out of the Sox’s reach.
TOPIC 5: WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT BIG CONTROVERSY FOR THE BULLS?
Jimmy Greenfield: Perturbed, a group of out-of-work headbands file suit against the Bulls.
Phillip Thompson: Scott Skiles dares Ben Gordon to play with a blindfold and his three-point percentage goes up.
Adam Caldarelli: Martynas Andriuskevicius will defy a team rule that says players must wear shorts.
Stick Figure: Hokey pokey sounds like a naughty word.
Bag Dog: They lose nine straight, but Scott Skiles refuses to put in Brian Griese.
