Why can’t our Five on Five regulars be more like chicagosports.com’s Rahula Strohl … and only show up on occasion.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: HAVE THE BEARS BEEN EXPOSED?
Jimmy Greenfield: No. Unless you mean because they gave up 28 points in 12 minutes to a 3-11 team. Then, yes.
Phillip Thompson: They have, but who in the NFC hasn’t?
Leo Ebersole: Good lord, I hope not. Why, has Jimmy been surfing the Web again?
Rahula Strohl: Only as opponents of gun control.
Bag Boy: Maybe. But if they pull another stunt like Sunday at Detroit,I will be.
TOPIC 2: WHO GOT OFF EASY FROM THE KNICKS-NUGGETS BRAWL?
Jimmy Greenfield: Isiah Thomas. Can he just leave the sporting world now? Please?
Phillip Thompson: Carmelo. Only a 15-game suspension, and he doesn’t even have to defend his title belt.
Leo Ebersole: Everyone who actually bought tickets to see the Knicks.
Rahula Strohl: Jared Jeffries. I have yet to see his spectacular face-plant set to sound effects.
Bag Boy: Oprah. We will have our day, Winfrey.
TOPIC 3: ARE YOU A SPITTER OR A SUCKER-PUNCHER?
Jimmy Greenfield: I sucker-punch, but only if I’m absolutely sure I can get away with it.
Phillip Thompson: I spit on my hand and then punch, which is why no one fights me.
Leo Ebersole: Don’t insult me. I’m a kneecap-kicker and an eye-gouger.
Rahula Strohl: Um, is this question appropriate for a newspaper?
Bag Boy: I’m a punchline. Does that count?
TOPIC 4: INVENT A SPORT FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
Jimmy Greenfield: Ultimate slipping.
Phillip Thompson: Find the Xmas ornament that looks like Dick Vitale. Here’s the trick: They all do.
Leo Ebersole: Wrapping paper baseball. I didn’t invent it; I merely recommend it.
Rahula Strohl: Lovie Drinkin’ Game. Take a shot when he says, “We’ll go from there.”
Bag Boy: The Egg Nog rally. Whoever runs the most times around the coffee table without falling over wins.
TOPIC 5: WHO IN SPORTS, LIKE ONE TRACK SILVER MEDALIST, MIGHT FAIL A GENDER TEST?
Jimmy Greenfield: Martina Navratilova. I’m just not convinced he’s really a man.
Phillip Thompson: I think Bill Parcells is ready to go up a cup size.
Leo Ebersole: Do halftime shows count? I’m thinking Prince.
Rahula Strohl: Charles Barkley looks like “he” has some birthin’ hips.
Bag Boy: Bill Womanowski. I’ve always suspected.
———-
Visit us at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive
