Jimmy’s off, but his chair’s here. So is Adam Caldarelli from chicagosports.com. So where’s Stick Figure? You can visit him whenever you want at redeyechicago.com/gofigure.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: LET’S PLAY WORD ASSOCIATION: WHEN WE SAY ‘BIG UNIT,’ YOU SAY …
Jimmy’s Empty Chair: “… Barcalounger.”
Phillip Thompson: “… copycat.”
Leo Ebersole: “… dangling Yankee.” Interpret that however you wish.
Adam Caldarelli: “… acne scars and mullets.”
Bag Boy: “… over the hill.” A big hill, mind you.
TOPIC 2: RECOMMEND ANOTHER LINE OF WORK FOR SHAQ.
Jimmy’s Empty Chair: Harumph! Shaq should ask ME if I could play in the post! I can swivel.
Phillip Thompson: Lonelygirl32.
Leo Ebersole: Head taster, Krispy Kreme.
Adam Caldarelli: A magician, so he can make himself disappear. ‘Bout had enough of him.
Bag Boy: Coach. I mean the section of an airplane.
TOPIC 3: WHO WOULD YOU RATHER SEE COME BACK TO CHICAGO, RON ARTEST OR COREY MAGGETTE?
Jimmy’s Empty Chair: I don’t want Ron sitting on me! That King belongs on a “throne,” if you know what I mean.
Phillip Thompson: Artest. You like courtroom dramas, I like on-court drama.
Leo Ebersole: The Bulls need Artest like they need a virulent strain of the flu.
Adam Caldarelli: Maggette’s coming back to Fenwick? Sweet!
Bag Boy: Maggette, because we don’t need that meatball.
TOPIC 4: TANK JOHNSON’S READY TO ‘MIX IT UP.’ WHAT DOES HE MEAN?
Jimmy’s Empty Chair: Practice, then court, then practice, then court.
Phillip Thompson: Not sure, but I overheard a conversation with Maurice Clarett about “ridin’ dirty.”
Leo Ebersole: He means he’s willing to try putting his team first.
Adam Caldarelli: That’s code for “get my damn guns back.”
Bag Boy: He was probably referring to his defensive assignments.
TOPIC 5: WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN BEARS FANS CROSS PATHS WITH NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTYERS?
Jimmy’s Empty Chair: Sadly, chairs may be thrown.
Phillip Thompson: Technically, both are saying, “Wait ’til next year.”
Leo Ebersole: Thousands will be treated for mustache burns after new year’s kisses are exchanged.
Adam Caldarelli: One’s drunk once a year, and one’s drunk every Sunday. Should be fun.
Bag Boy: It will be just like “Braveheart,” except the English will be driving BMWs.
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redeyechicago.com/gofigure
