If you’re going to be spending a lot of time on the train–and you will–there’s no better group to help you pass the time than this one! Sign up to play the Feud, er, the Five at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE AS THE SPOKESPERSON FOR CHICAGO’S OLYMPIC GROUP?
Jimmy Greenfield: P.J. Fleck
Phillip Thompson: Any Chicago alderman. They might as well know up front how things work here.
Leo Ebersole: Phil. You should have seen his triple-jump when he found out we get Disney Channel at work.
Whizzer: Stick Figure always knows what to say, and he can fill in as one of the Olympic rings.
Bag Boy: Bill Rancic. I’m pretty sure he’s free.
TOPIC 2: WHY SHOULD ‘MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL’ KEEP TONY KORNHEISER?
Jimmy Greenfield: So I have an excuse to use my shiny new mute button.
Phillip Thompson: He brings a certain Woody Allen flavor never before seen in sports.
Leo Ebersole: Because it’s a no-brainer. Who would you rather hear, him or Paul Maguire?
Whizzer: You don’t want to have to tell people you didn’t last as long as Dennis Miller.
Bag Boy: O.J. Simpson was an announcer, so they can just climb off their high horse.
TOPIC 3: WHAT SPORTS STORY ARE YOU SICK OF HEARING ABOUT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Steve Bartman. And I apologize for even bringing up his name.
Phillip Thompson: Terrell Owens. He’s the class clown you’re supposed to ignore but can’t.
Leo Ebersole: Any talk about a college football playoff. At this point I’d rather listen to Rosie O’Donnell.
Whizzer: Whizzer’s postgame groupies. Let’s finally put this thing to bed, shall we? Woof!
Bag Boy: Rex Grossman vs. Brian Griese. At this point, just play ’em both.
TOPIC 4: IF YOU COULD BORROW ANY CHICAGO ATHLETE TO PLAY FOR THE BEARS ON SUNDAY, WHOM WOULD IT BE?
Jimmy Greenfield: Mike Sweetney. Get some use out of him while he’s here.
Phillip Thompson: Alfonso Soriano. He’s never going to be worth $136 million just playing for the Cubs.
Leo Ebersole: A.J. Pierzynski, but he’d only be used as a trash-talker during pregame warmups.
Whizzer: Ben Wallace. If he can block shots, he can block kicks.
Bag Boy: I hear Kirk Hinrich is an excellent passer. Rex, Brian, slide on over.
TOPIC 5: YOU’RE MARK MCGWIRE’S SPIN DOCTOR. HELP GET HIM INTO THE HALL.
Jimmy Greenfield: “Mark, when you get to Cooperstown, buy yourself a ticket.”
Phillip Thompson: Steal Sammy’s future apology: “Steroids have been berry, berry bad to me!”
Leo Ebersole: “First, come clean on the steroids issue. … No? OK, first, we accuse others of using steroids …”
Whizzer: “The next time you’re in front of Congress, break into showtunes.”
Bag Boy: “Bring in The Fixer: Pete Rose.”
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