Dear Abby: My husband, “Noah,” and I are getting a divorce. He moved out nine months ago. We have a 7-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter.
Last month, Noah revealed that he has had a girlfriend, “Dana,” since last June, and that they’re moving into an apartment together this week. He said the children won’t have to meet Dana until I’m comfortable with it. Noah also promised it would be “gradual.”
I took the kids to see his apartment a couple of days later. The next day he called and announced to me that he was taking them to a birthday party for one of Dana’s relatives. He also said some co-workers would be there. (He and Dana work for the same company.)
We’re not even divorced yet! I don’t want to teach my kids that people live together before marriage. By moving in with Dana, Noah has created a secret that I can’t tell my kids.
I’m thinking of making a rule: One year of committed relationship before either Noah or I introduce them to a potential partner. Personally, I’m waiting until after the divorce is final before I start to date. Am I right?
— Protective Mom in Missouri
Dear Protective Mom: Create all the rules you wish, but that doesn’t mean Noah will abide by them. If he took the children to a birthday party for a relative of Dana’s, it’s logical to assume that they have already met her.
While you might like your children to keep their innocence, it may be impossible under the circumstances. Realistically, he should tell the children that Dana is his new “friend,” and if things develop from there, so be it. How you conduct your life is your business, and I admire your character and maturity in waiting to begin dating until after the divorce is final.
Dear Abby: My life is a wreck. I have two kids, and I’m only 20. We live with our friends because my fiance’s father kicked us out.
There are 11 people living in this three-bedroom trailer. God bless them for taking us in. My fiance lost his job. I am so depressed that all I do is cry. I don’t know what to do with myself. I need help. Do you have any advice?
— Distraught in Ohio
Dear Distraught: Only this. Dry your tears and start looking for a job.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
