Inspired by Quick & Simple magazine handing out honors that included the Blast That Dirt Award, the Cut Kitchen Hassles Award and the Keep Food Fresh Award, we asked you to come up with your own awards (and who’d you’d grant them to, of course). Top three winners receive a statuette suitable for display on a mantel.
For the results of No. 222, your theories about that flying saucerlike object spotted hovering above O’Hare, check this space next week.
First place
Most Lethal Vegetable Award: Spinach wins, hands down. French fry sales skyrocket. Hey, they taste good and nobody dies from them.
–P. Neuswanger, Arlington Heights
Second place
Fashion award for “no visible panty lines” given to Britney Spears.
–Vicki Pinter, South Holland
Third place
The 2006 Breaking Up Ain’t Hard to Do Award, a seven-way tie among Reese, Britney, Pam, Whitney, Heather, Carmen and Kate. Let’s hope 2007 offers as much excitement!
–E. Nee, Oak Lawn
On a (honor) roll
The Can You Believe It Award given to Cubs management for spending all that money on Chicago’s perennial losers.
–J. M. Steiner, Naperville
The Anti-Defamation League Man of the Year Award to Mel Gibson, with runner-up Michael Richards.
The Lettuce Entertains You Award to Taco Bell for making leafy greens newsworthy in 2006.
–Linus Doherty, Oak Lawn
Best Messing Up My Budget Award goes to ComEd for its electric rate increase this year.
–Violet Jurich, Chicago
The Oval Office Honesty and Integrity Award is given posthumously to Gerald Ford, who along with Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan is the last to deserve it.
–Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park
I would like to give an award for the Best Minor League Baseball Team in Illinois to the Chicago Cubs.
–Tim Sweeney, Villa Park
To Saddam Hussein, a posthumous Man of the Year Award for not hanging around for New Year’s Day 2007 and beyond.
To George W. Bush, the International Liars Club top award for his consistent stance that we are winning the war in Iraq.
–Tom Patton, Glenview
Best Lapse of Memory Award goes to Democrats who hoped nobody remembers what they said about President Ford back in 1974-76.
–Gerald Hulslander, Marseilles
The Strogey: For unprecedented display of egotism and abuse of power by an employee of the people.
–Phyllis Hahn, Lake Barrington
Best Political Suspense Thriller: “Will He or Won’t He?” starring Barack Obama.
Least Suspenseful Political Thriller: “Will He or Won’t He?” starring Richard M. Daley.
–Paula Matzek, Mt. Prospect
