Do you have the fever, Chicago? Hmmm? You have the Bears fever, don’t you? Our cynical ensemble will cure you of that!
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: COME UP WITH A SONG THAT DESCRIBES THE BEARS’ WIN.
Jimmy Greenfield: “My Stomach Is Killing Me”
Phillip Thompson: “Gould … blooded! What more can I say? Rexy, Rexy, Rexy … ” Thank you, Rick James.
Leo Ebersole: “You’re as Gould as ice … “
Brian Moore: “It’s just the kick! Of destiny, Bears. You know our kicker’s better than Adam Vinatieri.”
Bag Boy: “Going To Party Like It’s 1989”
TOPIC 2: DOES ANYTHING EVER COME EASY FOR THE BEARS?
Jimmy Greenfield: You mean besides winning the NFC North by 47 games?
Phillip Thompson: Just turnovers and dropped passes. Otherwise, no.
Leo Ebersole: Giving their fans heart disease.
Brian Moore: Well, they sure have the underachieving part down pat.
Bag Boy: When we went down 24-21 in the third, my breakfast came up easily. A few times.
TOPIC 3: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF REX GROSSMAN NOW?
Jimmy Greenfield: He’s a fine young man whomI’ll never fully trust.
Phillip Thompson: That third-down completion was clutch, and don’t let these clowns tell you differently.
Leo Ebersole: Two turnovers are betterthan four, and an 81.4 passer rating is better than zero.
Brian Moore: You mean the QB who threw away a sure 3 points at the start of the fourth quarter?
Bag Boy: Even Jim McMahon once threw three picks in a playoff game. Of course, he does have a ring …
TOPIC 4: HOW WOULD YOU PREPARE THE BEARS FOR THE SAINTS?
Jimmy Greenfield: Same way I’ll prepare for the Saints: hookers on Bourbon Street.
Phillip Thompson: Since they’re Saints, I have an elaborate plan involving the Lions and the Coliseum in Oakland.
Leo Ebersole: Remind Congress that a win for the Saints is a victory fora Bush.
Brian Moore: Each morning, “The View.” Each night, “Last Call with Carson Daly.” They’ll be ready to kill Sunday.
Bag Boy: To give him constant motivation, I’d strap myself to Rex like a papoose.
TOPIC 5: IN ‘EMOTIONAL’ YEARS, HOW LONG AGO WAS THE BEARS’ LAST NFC TITLE GAME?
Jimmy Greenfield: 0.25421. But that’s me. Emotionally, I’m only 1.7653 years old.
Phillip Thompson: You know how you felt the day after the Bartman game? It feels roughly like 23 of those.
Leo Ebersole: I’m not sure, but I remember being old enough to know that I wanted to be a Transformer.
Brian Moore: Twenty-one years is all that matters. That was the Bears’ last Super Bowl.
Bag Boy: I have to measure it in Roman numerals.
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