The New Kids on the Block — remember them? In 1991, they made history of sorts: The boy band turned punch line was the first contemporary pop act to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show.
It wasn’t a particularly memorable moment even by New Kids standards, but it was a step up (barely) on the pop-culture buzz meter over such previous halftime fare as Up With People, Carol Channing and the Rockettes.
Ever since, the National Football League has been acting as the country’s biggest single-event concert promoter. Even with only 12 minutes to perform and a five-second tape delay, major rock, pop and country acts such as U2, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones have proven more than eager to play by the NFL’s rules. That’s because more than 140 million people in the U.S. watched the Super Bowl on television last year.
Of course, halftime really isn’t about music at all. Almost without exception, the performances are dull, carefully choreographed spectacles, long on fireworks and flash. Lacking is the drama of a great live performance, which in part hinges on the possibility that anything can happen. In the one instance where spontaneity intruded — the Janet Jackson-Justin Timberlake “nipplegate” affair in 2004 — the NFL recoiled in horror and sent halftime-producer MTV packing.
The NFL pooh-bahs hate surprises. They’re in the business of selling advertising time, and they want a halftime show anchored by celebrity artists who won’t cause them or their corporate sponsors any trouble. Last year, Sprint shelled out $12 million to sponsor an appearance by the Stones. Next Sunday when the Bears play the Colts, it’s Prince’s turn. Though he once specialized in sexually explicit performances, Prince is now the ideal Super Bowl halftime entertainer: A born-again Christian and Vegas act with a trove of hits ready to be dusted off.
Here are some notable (or notorious) halftime appearances:
I (1967) Universities of and Michigan bands
II (1968) Grambling University band
III (1969) Florida A&M University band
IV (1970) Carol Channing
V (1971) Florida A&M band
VI (1972) Ella Fitzgerald, Carol Channing, Al Hirt and U.S. MarineCorps Drill Team
VII (1973) University of Michigan band and Woody Herman
VIII (1974) University of Texas band
IX (1975) Mercer Ellington and Grambling University bands
X (1976) Up With People
XI (1977) Los Angeles Unified All-City band and Crowd Participation
XII (1978) Tyler Apache Belles, PeteFountain and Al Hirt
XIII (1979) Ken Hamilton, various Caribbean bands
XIV (1980) Up With People
XV (1981) Southern University band, Helen O’Connell
XVI (1982) Up With People
XVII (1983) Los Angeles Super Drill Team
XVIII (1984) University of Florida and Florida State University bands
XIX (1985) U.S. Air Force band: “Tops in Blue”
XX (1986) Up With People
XXI (1987) Southern California-area high school drill teams and dancers
XXII (1988) Chubby Checker/Rockettes and 88 grand pianos
XXIII (1989) South Florida-area dancers and performers and 3-D effects
XXIV (1990) Pete Fountain/Doug Kershaw/Irma Thomas
XXV (1991) New Kids on the Block performs; soon after, its streak of top 10 hits ends.
XXVI (1992) Gloria Estefan gamely tries to make “winter magic” with ice skaters Brian Boitano and Dorothy Hamill.
XXVII (1993) A decade before he faces child-abuse allegations in court, Michael
Jackson vows to “heal the world” while performing with 3,500 schoolchildren. In attendance is O.J. Simpson, the game’s honorary coin-tosser.
XXVIII (1994) After Clint Black, Tanya Tucker, Travis Tritt and Naomi and Wynonna Judd perform, fans send what appear to be SOS signals with flashlights stashed in bags under their seats.
XXIX (1995) Disney: A train wreck in which Patti LaBelle, Tony Bennett, Arturo Sandoval and Miami Sound Machine recast “Indiana Jones” as a musical.
XXX (1996) Diana Ross sings “Take Me Higher,” then is lifted off the field in a helicopter.
XXXI (1997) The fake Blues Brothers try to prime the pump for a new movie, with the late John Belushi replaced not only by brother Jim Belushi but also by John Goodman.
XXXII (1998) Motown celebrates its 40th anniversary, but no one tries to moon-walk.
XXXIII (1999) Gloria Estefan, again. Stevie Wonder tap-dances with Savion Glover, sort of. Swing band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy compresses its 15 minutes of fame into a couple of cutaway camera shots.
XXXIV (2000) Another lifeless Disney production, with Phil Collins reduced to shilling for the “Tarzan” soundtrack while actor-narrator Edward James Olmos invites dumbstruck viewers to enter the “gateway of time” to feel “the rhythm of our hearts” inside a “tapestry of magic.”
XXXV (2001) MTV makes its debut as halftime producer and creates Frankenstein: Aerosmith, Britney Spears and ‘N Sync merge rock and cheese on “Walk This Way.”
XXXVI (2002) With Bono opening his leather jacket to reveal a stitched-in American flag, U2 pays tribute to 9/11 victims and promotes its latest album.
XXXVII (2003) Gwen Stefani duets with Sting and, miraculously, no Police songs are seriously harmed.
XXXVIII (2004) The first halftime show more famous than the game itself. Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” eclipses one of the best Super Bowl games ever and leads to stricter decency guidelines for TV and radio.
XXXIX (2005) Paul McCartney used to get busted for smoking pot and wrote a song called “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road.” Now he’s the artist the NFL picks to restore its post-Janet family-friendly dignity. McCartney dutifully complies with a feel-good set topped by “Hey Jude.”
XL (2006) The Rolling Stones fail to sneak a couple of risque lyrics past the censors, but still do a decent job of rocking the house with a trash-compactor guitar sound courtesy of Keith Richards and Ron Wood. It’s the best, nastiest Super Bowl halftime performance by far.
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greg@gregkot.com
