If you can’t be in Miami, at least hang out with the Five on Five crew. We’re 7-point underdogs in the Super Bowl of life.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: DOES REX GROSSMAN BELONG IN A DISCUSSION OF WORST SUPER BOWL QUARTERBACKS?
Jimmy’s empty chair: I hate when someone’s the butt of jokes. I hate the butt of anything actually.
Phillip Thompson: I think that’s totally unfair to Rex. Now worst Super Bowl haircuts …
Leo Ebersole: Rex Grossman-Peyton Manning sounds a lot better than Kerry Collins-Trent Dilfer.
Whizzer: I seem to recall Dan Marino threw 2 INTs in a Super Bowl, and no one’s harping on that!
Bag Dog: As long as “Super Bowl” is in the conversation, I’ll take it
TOPIC 2: IF BEN WALLACE’S KNEE HAD A news CONFERENCE, WHAT WOULD IT SAY?
Jimmy’s empty chair: “I kept telling him it’s all about proper sitting posture.”
Phillip Thompson: “I just signed on to do a movie about myself. It’s a Spike Lee Joint.”
Leo Ebersole: “I was all for the headband, but I guess you guys only want my opinion when I’m sprained.”
Whizzer: “Where’s my cut of the $60 million contract?”
Bag Dog: “Tell the Brain under all that hair up there that I feel about 10 years older than it does.”
TOPIC 3: WHO’S MOST INTIMIDATING: TIGER WOODS, ROGER FEDERER OR SERENA WILLIAMS?
Jimmy’s empty chair: Defffffffinitely Serena Williams. As a chair, I have my reasons.
Phillip Thompson: Serena Williams could literally break me in two just by looking at me.
Leo Ebersole: Federer, especially when his skin’s not on quite right and you can see the robot circuitry.
Whizzer: Tiger Woods. It’s a cat thing.
Bag Dog: Roger Federer. He’s so dominant, and I wouldn’t know him if he bit me on the leg.
TOPIC 4: WHOm WOULD YOU CAST IN A MOVIE ABOUT PEYTON MANNING?
Jimmy’s empty chair: He’s Jimmy with hair.
Phillip Thompson: There’s a guy in “Jericho” who’s a dead ringer, unfortunately for him.
Leo Ebersole: A young Billy Bob Thornton.
Whizzer: Easy. Mr. Potato Head.
Bag Dog: Eli Manning. And … done.
TOPIC 5: THE SOX GM APOLOGIZED TO MARK BUEHRLE. IS THERE ANYONE YOU’D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO?
Jimmy’s empty chair: I’d like to apologize for scamming the Bears fans who think I’m a Super Bowl seat.
Phillip Thompson: I’d like to apologize to Colts fans for everything I’m about to say this week.
Leo Ebersole: I apologize for insinuating that Roger Federer is a robot. He’s actually some kind of alien.
Whizzer: Sorry, Ben Wallace. I told Udonis Haslem, “This joke’s a real knee-slapper,” and he did me one better.
Bag Dog: I’m sorry, Whizzer, for always stealing your thunder.
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