We tried to get Bag Boy to answer his Five on Five questions on Super Bowl Sunday, but we couldn’t pry him from the fetal position. Maybe you could give it a try at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: WHAT WAS YOUR GUT REACTION TO THE BEARS’ SUPER BOWL LOSS?
Jimmy Greenfield: I’m an impartial member of the media. My gut is crying like a baby.
Phillip Thompson: It’s interesting that you mention a “gut reaction.” Put mine down as “doubled over.”
Leo Ebersole: I choked back tears, but that’s because I was sitting next to Phil after three pieces of pizza.
Obnoxious Colts Fan: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!(beer spraying inside the cubicle).
Brian Moore: It reminded me that the Cubs season starts before too long.
TOPIC 2: WHAT IMPORTANT NEWS WAS OVERSHADOWED BY THE SUPER BOWL?
Jimmy Greenfield: On Wednesday, the Earth exploded. I think I read about it on the Internet.
Phillip Thompson: After thanking Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy for a “clean” game, Sen. Joe Biden exploded.
Leo Ebersole: That Dick Vitale has officially become a caricature of acaricature of himself.
Obnoxious Colts Fan: I dunked Leo into a vat of bean dip at halftime.
Brian Moore: Lake Michigan is now frozen solid.
TOPIC 3: HOW WOULD THE SUPER BOWL HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT IF PRINCE COACHED ONE OF THE TEAMS?
Jimmy Greenfield: His halftime show would have been piped into the Bears locker room.
Phillip Thompson: He would have insisted his players wear 41/2-inch spikes on their cleats.
Leo Ebersole: Obnoxious Colts Fan and Eli Manning wouldn’t have been the only Colts fans wearing makeup.
Obnoxious Colts Fan: For the first time in history a midget would have coached one of the teams.
Brian Moore: With Prince’s taste, the Bears would finally have had some scantily clad cheerleaders to watch.
TOPIC 4: IF THE BEARS WEREN’T IN THE SUPER BOWL, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN DOING SUNDAY?
Jimmy Greenfield: Watching the Super Bowl. What do you think I am, a Communist?
Phillip Thompson: Ironically I would have been in Miami. Philly Phil doesn’t do the chilly chill.
Leo Ebersole: Sitting in complete silence in front of a blank TV and a bowl of pretzels, so, thank you, Bears.
Obnoxious Colts Fan: Watching the Colts kill the Saints in Manning Bowl II(Peyton vs. Archie).
Brian Moore: Chasing down bourbon and hookers for Jimmy.
TOPIC 5: WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BEARS NEXT SEASON?
Jimmy Greenfield: They vow to return because they forgot to buy a Super Bowl XLI souvenir.
Phillip Thompson: After a series of blowout victories in key states, they declare their campaign for the presidency.
Leo Ebersole: They draft a QB and station a therapist in every luxury box at Soldier Field.
Obnoxious Colts Fan: They dust off, regroup, burn Grossman at a stake and proceed to go 7-9.
Brian Moore: They hibernate, then wake up with a ferocious appetite. You mean the team? Same thing.
