Adam Caldarelli of chicagosports.com joins the crew on Thursdays. Stick Figure shows up whenever he gets lost. Visit him at redeyechicago.com/gofigure.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: YOU’RE TYRUS THOMAS’ SPIN DOCTOR. WHAT’S YOUR NEXT MOVE?
Jimmy Greenfield: Send him out with a celeb to improve his image. Lisa Nowak sounds like his type.
Phillip Thompson: When has a bank had an NBA pitchman? I’d start with “bank shots” as a corporate slogan.
Leo Ebersole: Roll with it. Who wouldn’t buy a “Get my check” T-shirt?
Adam Caldarelli: Make sure I’m getting paid this week.
Whizzer: He couldn’t afford me.
TOPIC 2: WHAT WOULD YOU PAY LOVIE SMITH?
Jimmy Greenfield: A condolence call.
Phillip Thompson: I’ll pay my last respects as he boards the Bucs’ private plane to Tampa next year.
Leo Ebersole: I’d take the combined salaries of all the other coaches in the NFC North and multiply that by 10.
Adam Caldarelli: After Sunday, I pay him no mind.
Whizzer: $5. A minute.
TOPIC 3: DOES ANYONE HERE WANT TO CONFESS ANYTHING?
Jimmy Greenfield: I took the cookie from the cookie jar.
Phillip Thompson: Plenty. In my new book. That I want you to pay $29.95 to read. (Suckers.)
Leo Ebersole: That I watch “Heroes” even though it’s kind of derivative? Yes. And I’m not ashamed.
Adam Caldarelli: Yeah, I once thought Rex Grossman was a good quarterback.
I donated some hair to Donald Trump back in ’95.
TOPIC 4: THE INDIANA PACERS ARE TO POLICE REPORTS AS …
Jimmy Greenfield: … Paris Hilton is to penicillin.
Phillip Thompson: … poker night is to Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley.
Leo Ebersole: … the Cincinnati Bengals are to the prison population.
Adam Caldarelli: … as Indiana is to lame–one and the same.
Whizzer: … Pete Doherty is to police reports. What else is new?
TOPIC 5: WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN WITH RON ARTEST’S DOG, SOCKS?
Jimmy Greenfield: He should stop hanging out with Keira Knightley.
Phillip Thompson: To show Ron how much Socks needs dog food, maybe he should have to eat some.
Leo Ebersole: He demands an immediate trade to chef Mario Batali’s house.
Adam Caldarelli: Well, Tank Johnson is short a few pets right now.
Whizzer: Come home, Socks. Come home.
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redeyechicago.com/gofigure.
