We asked for volunteers to do the Fives, and chicagosports.com’s Rahula Strohl was the only one who forgot to take one step backward.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: IF YOU HAD STEPHEN JACKSON ON THE WITNESS STAND, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK HIM?
Jimmy Greenfield: Why do people put celery in tuna fish sandwiches? ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Phillip Thompson: Is it true the team is looking to relocate to Pelican Bay?
Leo Ebersole: Since when does a second-rate shooting guard need to carry a gun for protection?
Rahula Strohl: Are you so violent because people keep confusing you with the Rams running back?
EvilSuperComputer: Anything I can do to help? No? No further questions, your honor.
TOPIC 2: WHICH NBA TEAM SHOULD CHANGE THEIR UNIFORMS?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Boston Celtics. But keep the players in them when you throw them out.
Phillip Thompson: I don’t want to say the Trail Blazers are dated, but Lewis and Clark designed their uniforms.
Leo Ebersole: The Hornets blend of yellow and light blue reminds me of a bar bathroom stall.
Rahula Strohl: The Knicks and Celtics should be forced to wear scarlet L’s.
EvilSuperComputer: All teams should change to plain gray uniforms–LIKE THE ONES YOU’LL ALL BE WEARING!
TOPIC 3: WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL PICKING ON REX GROSSMAN?
Jimmy Greenfield: It’s cheaper than paying for a psychiatrist.
Phillip Thompson: A better question is why are people still picking OFF Rex Grossman?
Leo Ebersole: Because they have to wait until Spring Training to pick on A-Rod.
Rahula Strohl: Rush Limbaugh says it’s ’cause he’s white, and we know how insightful he is …
EvilSuperComputer: He insists on continuing to exist! He has it coming.
TOPIC 4: HOW EXCITED ARE YOU ABOUT THE DAYTONA 500?
Jimmy Greenfield: Enormously. I’m just a huge fan of tennis played on natural grass.
Phillip Thompson: Can you say, “Juan Pablo Montoya?!” Good! Now can you tell me who that is?
Leo Ebersole: Ecstatic–not for the race, but for the excuse to go shirtless and crush beer cans on my skull.
Rahula Strohl: Not as excited as I’d be if Derek “I can’t go left” Zoolander were a driver.
EvilSuperComputer: With those cars being machines, I’m excited a little differently than you’re excited.
TOPIC 5: HOW CAN A 37-YEAR-OLD JOURNEYMAN INFIELDER HELP THE WHITE SOX?
Jimmy Greenfield: He can gum up Jerry Reinsdorf’s meat.
Phillip Thompson: Is that supposed to be ancient? Pardon me while I go have a life crisis.
Leo Ebersole: By being a spare parts donor for Jim Thome.
Rahula Strohl: To get ’em a deal for a movie about something other than 1919.
EvilSuperComputer: Depends. What version is he?
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