Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in Wednesdays. Visit us at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive and sign up to make your own guest appearance.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: WHAT GIFT WOULD THE AVERAGE PRO ATHLETE WANT FOR VALENTINE’S DAY?
Jimmy Greenfield: 2.3 million pieces of chocolate plus a per diem of 118 caramels.
Phillip Thompson: Holiday or not, don’t mention anything with the initials “V.D.” around these guys.
Leo Ebersole: Nothing fancy. Just your basic assortment of performance-enhancing chocolates.
Mike North: Average, hmmm … Let’s start with two girls.
Bag Boy: A steroids variety pack with a hand-crafted Whizzinator.
TOPIC 2: WHAT IS ‘LOVE’?
Jimmy Greenfield: I’m not quite, sure but I think it involves cleaning supplies.
Phillip Thompson: Lady don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more. Love is Haddaway, people (why do I know this?).
Leo Ebersole: I can’t put my finger on it, but it definitely has something to do with steak nachos.
Mike North: Staying up and watching a West Coast Bulls game.I love the Bulls.
Bag Boy: Love is being a Cubs fan for decades without benefit of a World Series–or a lobotomy.
TOPIC 3: HOW WOULD YOU RESPOND TO CARLOS ZAMBRANO’S ULTIMATuM?
Jimmy Greenfield: Pay the man. Pay the man. Pay the man. Pay. The. Man.
Phillip Thompson: I bait him into accepting “Soriano money” and start photoshopping Alfonso onto Monopoly bills.
Leo Ebersole: Um, by paying him. Don’t act like you’re holding any cards here, Cubs.
Mike North: 60 million over four years. Take it or leave it.
Bag Boy: I don’t negotiate with terrorists.
I cave right away.
TOPIC 4: SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON.
Jimmy Greenfield: Jimmy loves the “Seinfield” episode where Jimmy talks in the third person.
Phillip Thompson: Phil Thompson knows it’s all about the team–TeamThompson.
Leo Ebersole: This question confuses Leo Ebersole.
Mike North: Mike North is only as good as the people around him.
Bag Boy: Bag Boy sucks! Bag boy sucks! … No, wait …
TOPIC 5: WHO WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS THE NEW SAN DIEGO CHARGERS HEAD COACH?
Jimmy Greenfield: Tony LaRussa. Anything to get him out of St. Louis.
Phillip Thompson: I’m going to stick with Haddaway.
Leo Ebersole: Nick Saban. They already know it won’t be hard to talk him out of his contract.
Mike North: Let the know-it-all GM coach.
Bag Boy: Ron Rivera. And Ron, that was a trick answer to see if you’d bite. (Shotgun clicking).
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