Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in Wednesdays. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive. And drop Stick Figure a line at redeyechicago.com/gofigure.
TOPIC 1: WHAT IS RON RIVERA DOING RIGHT NOW?
Jimmy Greenfield: Updating his resume by taking off Lovie Smith as a reference.
Phillip Thompson: Plotting a blitz package to use on his career counselor.
Leo Ebersole: Putting the final stitch in his Lovie Smith voodoo doll.
Mike North: Reading a book about Custer (they’ve both got something in common) called “Ambushed.”
Stick Figure: Is he the one who wrote Suwannee River? Or is it Swami River?
TOPIC 2: WHAT IS A BABICH?
Jimmy Greenfield: A vastly overrated Brad Pitt film.
Phillip Thompson: It’s an expression among stuttering pimps: “Babich, where’s my ma-money!?”
Leo Ebersole: It’s what Bag Boy uses for his head rashes.
Mike North: I believe it’s what holds the chain on a bicycle with the back wheel.
Stick Figure: It’s the word the Bad Man in my head says when it’s time to kill again.
TOPIC 3: SHOULD WE BE TALKING ABOUT TEAMMATES’ RELATIONSHIPS?
Jimmy Greenfield: Only if those relationships were with John Amaechi.
Phillip Thompson: It’s the only way to get Oprah’s minions to watch sports.
Leo Ebersole: What, you mean the sleepovers and the hair-braiding? Yeah, best to keep that under wraps.
Mike North: Only if they’re loving.
Stick Figure: I have fights with my imaginary friends–TICKLE FIGHTS!
TOPIC 4: WHAT’S AN NBA TRADE YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE HAPPEN?
Jimmy Greenfield: Ben Gordon for Howard K. Stern.
Phillip Thompson: Jason Kidd joining Kobe Bryant. Then we’re just one Ron Artest away from the fall of Poland.
Leo Ebersole: Gilbert Arenas and Mark Madsen to MTV’s “Dancelife.” On second thought, I’d like that.
Mike North: Trades are part of the game, my friend–good or bad!
Stick Figure: The NBA means No Bogeymen Allowed, so no bogeymen!
TOPIC 5: WHAT WILL MICHAEL IRVIN DO NEXT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Continue to embarrass himself often but far less publicly.
Phillip Thompson: About 30 lines of nose candy? I know what you’re gonna say … that’s just the appetizer.
Leo Ebersole: Practice his induction speech for the Hideous Suit Hall of Fame.
Mike North: Open a drugstore?
Stick Figure: He’s not that scary guy with the ranch, is he?
