We’re sad to report that in the game of life, chicagosports.com’s Adam Caldarelli was knocked out in the first round. All together: “Awww!” Pay Stick Figure a visit at redeyechicago.com/gofigure.
TOPIC 1: WHEN YOU HEARD SHAQ HAD A TV SHOW, WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS ABOUT?
Jimmy Greenfield: An NBA player whose dream of acting turns him into a laughingstock.
Phillip Thompson: Small children. Eating small children.
Leo Ebersole: I thought it was an instructional video about how to elbow Vlade Divac in the chest.
Adam Caldarelli: Fundamentals from the free-throw line.
Stick Figure: He believes he can fly! That’s from his movie, “Office Space Jam.”
TOPIC 2: WHO’S YOUR BUBBLE TEAM?
Jimmy Greenfield: Michigan. They’ll knock off Ohio State on Friday. Watch.
Phillip Thompson: Beyonce, J.Lo and Jessica Biel, but that’s just the backcourt.
Leo Ebersole: I like the New York Knicks to land a 13 seed. And no, that joke will never get old to me.
Adam Caldarelli: University of Phoenix.
Stick Figure: I’m going to go with “gum.”
TOPIC 3: DEPAUL’S ALREADY OUT OF THE BIG EAST TOURNAMENT. WHAT’S NEXT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Team dinner at Wendy’s.
Phillip Thompson: The Republican presidential campaign, because as far as I can tell no one’s running.
Leo Ebersole: A thrilling first-round matchup with Clemson in the NIT.
Adam Caldarelli: DePaul is in the Big East?
Stick Figure: Pony rides! If you wanna ride, don’t ride the white horse.
TOPIC 4: WHY DOES KOBE BRYANT KEEP HITTING PEOPLE?
Jimmy Greenfield: Hitting is the new sexual assaulting.
Phillip Thompson: He’s not smacking people. His arm just goes numb in front of people’s faces.
Leo Ebersole: As long as he can buy back their love with a diamond ring, it’s good therapy for him.
Adam Caldarelli: He’s trying to make up for passing on that offer to play at Duke.
Stick Figure: Hitting is not so bad–that’s what Mistress tells me.
TOPIC 5: I SUSPECTED JOHN ROCKER WAS ON HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE BECAUSE …
Jimmy Greenfield: … his testicles shrunk to the size of his brain.
Phillip Thompson: … no one’s that obnoxious without pharmaceutical assistance.
Leo Ebersole: … he farts lightning.
Adam Caldarelli: … he’s a half-wit.
Stick Figure: Human growth? You mean I can be a real boy? Or girl? Or duck?
