Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in Wednesdays. Stick Figure craves your comments like butterscotch taffy. Right. TOPIC 1: HOW IMPORTANT IS THE PISTONS GAME FOR THE BULLS?
Jimmy Greenfield: If the Bulls win, the Blue Fairy will turn them all into real boys.
Phillip Thompson: If the Bulls win, Ben Wallace’s hair will grow in confidence.
Leo Ebersole: Shhhh. I’m monitoring the Marlins’ closer battle.
Mike North: Every game is important, not just the Pistons … too serious?
Stick Figure: I love Detroit. It’s like finding chewing gum under the desk of the United States!
TOPIC 2: IF IT WERE UP TO YOU, WHAT WOULD BE THE NEXT STEP WITH LANCE BRIGGS?
Jimmy Greenfield: Walk up to him with 52 cards and say, “See this? We’re holding all of them.”
Phillip Thompson: I’d pay him a signing bonus–in nickels. Which I’d put in a sock and give to him “Sopranos”-style.
Leo Ebersole: Watch in terror as he becomes the latest overpaid free agent to poison the Redskins.
Mike North: Fundraiser for the poor guy.
Stick Figure: I’m a pirate, and I’m going to make a booty call! ARRGH!!
TOPIC 3: WHAT’S ONE BENEFIT OF HAVING A FEMALE UMP OFFICIATE YOUR GAME?
Jimmy Greenfield: If you’re a pitcher, it’s great. She’ll call all strikes, no balls.
Phillip Thompson: Well for one thing, she’ll make the managers clean the plates.
Leo Ebersole: It’s the same as having a male ump, only you’ll never win an argument.
Mike North: That there’s only one.
Stick Figure: King Kong will climb the Umpire State Building to get her.
TOPIC 4: WADE MILLER WON THE JOB AS the CUBS’ FIFTH STARTER. WHAT DOES HE GET?
Jimmy Greenfield: Set of steak knives.
Phillip Thompson: Well, Bob, it’s a fabulous trip to Lou’s doghouse, where he’ll be joined by Jason Marquis!
Leo Ebersole: An immediate demotion when Mark Prior is ready.
Mike North: A shellacking!
Stick Figure: Starter? I don’t even know her! Whoa, Sally, I’m hot tonight!
TOPIC 5: IF YOU WERE HOST OF THE ESPYS, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?
Jimmy Greenfield: “Good evening, sports world phonies.”
Phillip Thompson: “Welcome, everyone. Serena Williams will be here shortly, but she’s still getting dressed.”
Leo Ebersole: “It’s great to be here with all these elite athletes–and you, too, Peyton Manning.”
Mike North: Didn’t Lance Armstronglock that up?
Stick Figure: I would not host the ESPYs unless I knew what theytaste like.
———-
Visit redeyechicago.com/gofigure
