Rahula Strohl of chicagosports.com visits the Fives–for the last time! Just kidding, Rahula, you still work here. Or do you? Visit redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive to sign up.
TOPIC 1: WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED FROM OPENING DAY?
Jimmy Greenfield: Never trust foxsports.com to handle your fantasy baseball league.
Phillip Thompson: Jose Contreras got blasted back to the Stone Age, a short trip for him.
Leo Ebersole: All that talk about the Nationals being the worst team in history? Pretty dead on.
Rahula Strohl: I could use some more time without Len Kasper and Hawk Harrelson.
Bag Boy: The price of runs on theNorth Side have gone up to$300 million per.
TOPIC 2: IF THE CUBS ARE SOLD, HOW WOULD THAT AFFECT YOU?
Jimmy Greenfield: It won’t. I’ll never part with my Dennis FitzSimons bobblehead doll.
Phillip Thompson: When Wood and Prior are no longer on the payroll, my insurance premiums will go down.
Leo Ebersole: I’ll no longer be able to pretend that I have the same dental plan as Derrek Lee.
Rahula Strohl: About five fewer hate e-mails from Sox fans accusing me of institutional bias.
Bag Boy: As both a Cubs fan and a Tribune employee, I can finally stop hating myself. As if.
TOPIC 3: WHY HAVEN’T YOU VISITED TANK JOHNSON YET?
Jimmy Greenfield: If I want to visit convicts all I have to do is go to a Bears game.
Phillip Thompson: I rank pretty low on his visitors list: “1. Rahula Strohl (conjugal).”
Leo Ebersole: Doesn’t he have to send out an Evite first?
Rahula Strohl: He never visited me when I was jailed for that unpleasantness with the mallards.
Bag Boy: Where are they holding Tank? I said, where are they holding Tank? Is this thing on?
TOPIC 4: WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE BEARS PLAY THE COLTS IN THE PRESEASON?
Jimmy Greenfield: It will rain, we’ll comment on the irony and we’ll lauuuuuugh.
Phillip Thompson: Because it’s preseason, Rex will come out of the game for BrianGriese. How’s that for irony?
Leo Ebersole: The Bears will take an early lead only to find out they’re in one of those surreal DirecTV ads.
Rahula Strohl: Some TV dweeb will call it a “Super Bowl XLI rematch,” and I will punch my screen.
Bag Boy: If Manning just stands on the sidelines, his odds of getting hit by a Bear actually increase.
TOPIC 5: WE ASKED THE GUYS TO MAKE ONE PREDICTION BEFORE THE NCAA TITLE GAME.
Jimmy Greenfield: Down by 22, Greg Oden will turn pro with 16 minutes left in the second half.
Phillip Thompson: If the Gators win, that Boise State kid will propose to Joakim Noah after the game.
Leo Ebersole: Joakim Noah will scream/shout/whine after a basket/foul call/timeout.
Rahula Strohl: Oh, you did, did you? I bet they liked that. They’re naughty little guys.
Bag Boy: Greg Oden will foul out during the national anthem.
