Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in Wednesdays. RedEye’s Tracy Swartz joins in when she feels like it. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Tracy Swartz
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Mike North
Evil Super Computer
TOPIC 1: WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT QUESTION THAT TICKS OFF LOU PINIELLA?
“What’s the ‘Fire Lou’ URL?”
“You don’t believe in curses, but you do believe in cursing — care to explain?”
“Lou: Grecian Formula or Just For Men?”
“Do you like Jay-Z or 50 Cent?”
“Why have you used Felix Pie in the bullpen?”
TOPIC 2: WHAT NEW NICKNAME WOULD YOU GIVE THE BABY BULLS?
Lord Taurus.
The Bullistics.
The Eat-Babies-For-Breakfast Bulls.
Red Heat!
The Cow Boys.
TOPIC 3: WHAT WILL BE ONE of THE ARGUMENTS PACMAN JONES MAKES DURING HIS APPEAL?
That he didn’t do it — he’s the spitting image of someone else.
“Commissioner, I couldn’t have been an accomplice because I was coked out of my mind at the time.”
“I’ve learned my lesson. No showering people with money unless they’re elected officials.”
That he’s a scumbag, punk,
loser, moron, but he needs to work to rain more money!
Allow me to make it rain — DESTRUCTION!”
TOPIC 4: WHAT’S LEFT FOR THE BEARS TO DO BEFORE TRAINING CAMP?
K-eg to rap up spring.
Angelo on phone: “The Pats got Moss, we need an egomaniac. What? Keyshawn’s been cut?”
Weld Cedric Benson’s upper body to Garrett Wolfe’s legs.
Nothing, 19-0 my friend!
Garrett Wolfe! When I was playing you in my video game, I didn’t know that was your actual size.
TOPIC 5: WHY AREN’T THE SOX PLAYING BETTER?
They’ve been changing their socks.
So in August, we’ll write story after story how they turned it all around … against the Cubs.
Duh, it’s the weather. Am I the only one in denial here?
It’s the cold and flu season?
BECAUSE I FORBID IT! Now for Phase 2, involving Ozzie and 500 feet of chicken wire!
