Jimmy’s back from vacation. Should we start the parade of bourbon and hookers, or would that be too much like the past week? Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Rahula Strohl
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: WHAT’S THE BIGGEST THING THAT JIMMY MISSED?
Chicago was destroyed by fire and replaced with an exact replica.
Street Sense got 45 days in jail for a racy rap song. I might have mixed that up.
Probably the mock Kentucky Derby we set up at his desk. Watch where you sit, Jimmy.
Well, if the bourbon and hookers are coming back, nothing.
If he was playing hoops, then my answer is “the side of a barn.”
TOPIC 2: IF YOU COULD ASK A BEARS ROOKIE A QUESTION, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
“Guess what?” (Correct answer: chicken butt.)
“Have you heard that Brian Urlacher likes questions? Lots and lots and lots of questions.”
“How’s your throwing arm?”
I’d ask Greg Olsen what his name (G-Reg) and what he do (unprintable).
“Wet Willie or wedgie? … Today, kid!”
TOPIC 3: WHAT’S THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE BULLS PLAYING ON TNT?
Comcast SportsNet gets to air “Toughest Cowboy.” Oh. Boy.
Decency laws prevented the Bulls from airing on network TV.
We get to watch Charles Barkley transform into the John Madden of basketball analysis.
The Tribune Tower’s house cable doesn’t get TNT, so we can’t watch it.
When all this blows up in our faces, we’ll know why.
TOPIC 4: WHERE DO YOU STAND ON BARRY BONDS’ HOME RUN QUEST?
I’ll follow and watch with active indifference.
I stand to lead my fantasy league in home runs. And, yes, I do feel dirty.
It’s like a violent illness. You can’t stop it. You just cope with it.
I think he’s almost as unlikeable as Roger Clemens. Almost.
On a raft in McCovey Cove, waiting for daddy’s Rolls-Royce Phantom to fall into my glove.
TOPIC 5: WARREN SAPP LOST 50 POUNDS. WHAT’S HIS DIETING SECRET?
He only eats when his body stops jiggling.
As an Oakland Raider, he’s automatically on “The Biggest Loser.”
Watching the Raiders offense.
He stopped eating opposing offensive linemen.
He finally passed Cade McNown. So THAT’S where he’s been …
