I don’t want anyone touching base with me again.
Have you ever dated a base toucher? The Base Toucher can’t commit to a plan too far in advance and wants to touch base closer to an activity’s date to let you know whether he wants to participate. Some people won’t commit a week in advance. Others have problems committing to a plan for that same night.
If you’re a planner like me, the Base Toucher will drive you batty.
I love to plan, and like most planners, I make my schedule taking into account the things I have to do (like work) and filling the rest of my time with things I want to do (like socializing). If someone calls to make a plan, it’s pretty easy to quickly confirm or decline based on my schedule.
If a friend calls at noon to see if I can catch a movie at 8 p.m., I should be able to immediately say yes or no; that’s a reasonable expectation.
While this might sound like a basic concept, it’s amazing how people will say things like: “Let’s touch base at 4, and I’ll let you know.”
What is that about? What will happen during the next four hours that will so greatly influence the decision-making process? Is the person waiting for a better offer?
My friend JR is a self-proclaimed base toucher. He says his girlfriend is a planner and schedules events weeks in advance. For example, if she suggests a movie for the following Saturday, and he so much as nods his head, she assumes they have a firm plan. And she will hold him to that plan.
As Saturday nears, if JR gets an offer to do something infinitely more exciting, like go to a Cubs game, he will either have to miss the game or risk having a fight with his girlfriend.
To avoid a potential fight and keep his options open, he agrees only to touch base with his girlfriend just the day before, which makes her as mad as a rat in a coffee can.
I suggested to JR that he is always waiting for a better offer. He reluctantly agreed.
Nobody likes to be second choice, and if you find yourself dating a person who always waits for a better offer, the handwriting is on the wall.
Years ago, I dated a base toucher. I initiated most, if not all, of our couple activities. At some point, he developed an infuriating habit of putting my suggestions on hold until he consulted with his friends. To make matters worse, he would sometimes blow me off completely, hoping that I’d take his silence as an unspoken no. In his mind, no communication was better than upsetting me, so he would carry out his agenda and try to pick up the pieces later. On a few occasions when he blew me off, I ran into him.
I said buh-bye to the Base Toucher. I realized that I was in a relationship with someone who had no desire to see me and had no respect for my time.
Realistically, most of us probably have someone for whom we would drop everything.
It’s nice to know that the person I most want to spend time with also wants to be with me. I think of how upsetting it would be if I consistently made plans with a person who was hesitant to confirm and wasn’t 100 percent excited about being with me.
I’d rather spend time with my friends. At least I would be making plans with someone who deserves it.
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redeyesex@tribune.com
