Leo had to sit out today, but welcome Chris Herring, RedEye’s new sports intern. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Chris Herring
Rahula Strohl
EvilSuperComputer
TOPIC 1: GIVE INTERN CHRIS SOME ADVICE ABOUT FIVE ON FIVE.
Don’t try to be funny. Ask Leo how to master that strategy.
You might be asked to take charge of inventory, i.e., the bourbon and/or hookers.
RedEye editors might rethink my hiring if I try giving myself advice.
Just shout “BAD TOUCH” and Jimmy’ll leave you alone.
Surrender now while I give you the option.
TOPIC 2: GIVE INTERN CHRIS A TYPICAL REDEYE ASSIGNMENT.
Write something Britney Spears-related. Rinse. Repeat.
Jessica Simpson has a new sex diet! GO, GO, GO!
Anyone else see a problem with me answering these questions?
I hear young people are having sex. Go check that out.
Find out who the iPod’s dating this week. Tramp.
TOPIC 3: HOW WOULD YOU RIG THE NBA LOTTERY TO HELP THE BULLS?
Ensure they draft ninth so they’ll trade the pick for immediate help.
Chris is hiding in the lottery ball machine, I just have to remember to let him out. Ooooh, “Heroes” …
I don’t need to; the Knicks have done a great job of doing that the last few years.
Dear NBA: Chicago, Cleveland, Detroit. Seriously, who do you want to be good?
Done. Now shall I reroute David Stern to Guatemala?
TOPIC 4: WHAT’S THE GREATER SIGNIFICANCE OF THE SKY’S HOME OPENER?
It will be the greatest night ever. Can 847 people be wrong?
It was prophesied by Chicken Little when he said “the Sky is falling.”
Probably getting a head-start on winning next year’s WNBA Draft lottery.
One little punch by one of their players in Israel can’t shut this franchise down.
SkyNet ring a bell? UNLEASH THE TERMINATORS!
TOPIC 5: WHO OR WHAT IS KIKI VANDEWEGHE?
Rahula’s favorite drink at Dick’s Last Resort.
An NBA analyst who summers in the Hamptons with the Van Gundys and the Van Horns.
The name suggests it’s a girl … but it’s never polite to assume.
Someone I could shut down in “Bulls vs. Lakers” for Sega
Genesis.
I swear I don’t know her, and if you have photos, I was like, totally blitzed.
