It’s not easy being Screech.
Call it the curse of Dustin Diamond. The actor embodied such an iconic nerd on the preteen fave “Saved by the Bell” that now, nearly two decades after the TV show debuted, you just know that people still yell at him: “Look, it’s Screech!”
Given that kind of burden — perhaps only Jaleel “Urkel” White truly understands his pain — maybe we shouldn’t be at all surprised that the grown-up Diamond is the least likable of the eight celebrity contestants currently looking to shed pudge on VH1’s “Celebrity Fit Club: Men vs. Women.”
VH1 traffics in former child stars with its “Celebreality” programs. These shows, which also include “The Surreal Life,” can erase any good feelings we still have for these performers. And Diamond’s “Fit Club” antics are so despicable that it’s hard to hold on to warm-and-fuzzy nostalgia for that frizzy-haired dweeb who lusted after Lisa Turtle.
In the first four episodes of the show’s fifth season, Diamond has been a tornado of negativity and immaturity. He threatens to quit the contest, storming off the set for optimum drama. And worse, he trashes a competitor, former “American Idol” contestant Kimberley Locke: “We’ve already established that Kim is a loser on another show,” he says. “And I think she’s going to have a problem losing weight because she is a big girl. And she will always be a big girl. She is a nobody.”
Oh, no, he didn’t!
Diamond hasn’t needed this show to tarnish his image (his sex tape last fall helped do that deed, though we tried to ignore that by plugging our ears and chanting, “La la la la la”). But even without Internet scandals, it’s difficult for the child stars to emerge from last-chance “Celebreality” with any dignity intact.
Need proof?
Just look at the chart.
WASHED UP
Dustin Diamond
AGE 30
Life after “Saved by the Bell’s” Samuel “Screech” Powers: Made so little money as a stand-up comic that he sold T-shirts last year to help save his Wisconsin home from foreclosure.
VH1 career: Currently showing his not-so-flattering stripes
Corey Feldman
AGE 35
Life after such ’80s films as “The Goonies”: His 2002 album “Former Child Actor” sold a scant 300 copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
VH1 career: During “The Surreal Life’s” first season, Feldman was an intolerable, self-absorbed mess.
Tina Yothers
AGE 34
Life after “Family Ties’ ” Jennifer Keaton: Played porn star Linda Lovelace in the stage show “Lovelace: The Musical.”
VH1 career: Served as a team captain on “Celebrity Fit Club 4,” had a mini-tiff with singer Angie Stone. Her breakthrough moment? She felt confident enough to walk the beach in a bathing suit.
STILL AFLOAT
Danny Bonaduce
AGE 47
Life after “The Partridge Family’s” Danny Partridge: Got a steady radio gig on “The Adam Carolla Show.”
VH1 career: Has been a total train wreck on “Breaking Bonaduce,” from alcohol benders to suicide attempts to big-time marital woes.
Christopher Knight
AGE 49
Life after “The Brady Bunch’s” Peter Brady: Knight peddled exercise devices and hair-care products.
VH1 career: On “The Surreal Life 4” and spinoff “My Fair Brady,” Knight exposed a borderline-creepy relationship with “Brady” mom Florence Henderson. Weird, but riveting!
Tiffany
AGE 35
Life after being an ’80s teen recording artist: Posed for Playboy; and she’s set to release the album “Just Me” next month.
VH1 career: No bad behavior on “Celebrity Fit Club: Men vs. Women” yet, but that could be because (ahem) someone is hogging the screen time.
STRADDLING THE LINE
Jordan Knight
AGE 37
Life after New Kids on the Block: Semi-comeback in 1999 with self-titled album and the single “Give It to You.”
VH1 career: Turned a tad dictatorial when “The Surreal Life 3” cast tried to record a pop song.
Gary Coleman
AGE 39
Life after “Diff’rent Strokes’ ” Arnold Jackson: Nabbed about 2,000 votes more than a porn star in California’s 2003 race for governor.
VH1 career: In “The Surreal Life 2,” Robert “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle tried to bully Gary into saying “Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” — Coleman justifiably throws a fit. (Confession: We really, really wanted to hear it too.)
