Bag Boy, Chicago’s biggest fan and resident sports curmudgeon, weighs in on what the draft lottery means for the Bulls.
THE LOTTERY PICKS
1. Portland
Bye, bye, Greg Oden. We never knew ye. (sniff)
2. Seattle
Ditto, Kevin Durant. At least you’re not in the Bulls’ division.
3. Atlanta
Could take Brandan Wright off the board. But if they really love him, they wouldn’t do that to him.
4. Memphis
You have the best shot at No. 1 and you end up fourth. I have never felt closer to you, Memphis.
5. Boston
Officially the Celtics are the second loser, which is like a Blackhawks level of losing.
6. Milwaukee
A division foe in the top 10. Not great, but at least it’s not Detroit. Oh, how I loathe Detroit.
7. Minnesota
Lot of big men could go this high, T-Wolves. Maybe now’s the time to unload Kevin Garnett, hint, hint.
8. Charlotte
In nba.com’s mock draft, the Bobcats grab Roy Hibbert out of Georgetown. Don’t. You. Dare.
9. BULLS (from New York)
It’s what we expected. Whatever big man we get — (from top) Hibbert, Spencer Hawes, Yi Jianlian — the Bulls can take their time and let him learn how to play from Ben Wallace. Well, learn how to play defense, anyway.
10. Sacramento
They still have a team?
11. Atlanta (from Indiana)
The Pacers give up their pick. Was that part of a plea agreement?
12. Philadelphia
This is a good spot to find another Allen Iverson who’ll skip practice.
13. New Orleans
If they take Acie Law IV, will he have to change his name to Acie Law the 13th?
14. L.A. Clippers
The Clippers. OK. As long as it’s not Detroit. If I see Detroit, I swear I’ll lose it.
THE REST OF THE DRAFT
15. Detroit (from Orlando)
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
16. Washington
Keep an eye on this pick — the Bulls may have to guard him in the playoffs.
17. New Jersey
Another Keith Van Horn here would suit me just fine. No, I haven’t forgotten about the season finale.
18. Golden State
Rookie has to grow a beard like Baron Davis.
19. L.A. Lakers
Kobe Bryant’s designated valet.
20. Miami
The retirement home that is the Heat gets an infusion of youth.
21. Philadelphia (from Denver)
Here’s a good place to go guard. You can always find good guards late. No offense, Kirk Hinrich.
22. Charlotte (from Toronto through Cleveland)
Stockpiling picks. A good strategy, as long as it doesn’t involve Eddy Curry and/or Tyson Chandler.
23. New York (from BULLS)
Chicago trades away a “No. 23.” Perish the thought!
24. Phoenix (from Cleveland through Boston)
Draft pick will be genetically enhanced to hate the Spurs.
25. Utah
Up and coming team just needs depth.
26. Houston
What is this team’s direction? I’d like to know. So would they, I’m thinking.
27. Detroit
Two picks in the first round? AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
28. San Antonio
They should be disqualified from the first round.
29. Phoenix
See above pick for Suns.
30. Philadelphia (from Dallas through Denver and Golden State)
Philly again? Are the Sixers fielding a football team?
