I’m excited about Yi Jianlian, and I don’t even know who he is. I’ve never seen him play a game. But the Bulls have to draft him! This is non-negotiable if he’s available.
He’s a 7-foot, 246-pound package of intrigue from China. When I imagine him, he’s a cross among Yao Ming, Bill Russell and Brad Pitt. But that’s just me.
If the Bulls can’t get Yi with the ninth pick, I’m OK with Rudy Fernandez from Spain. Again, I’ve never seen him play. Wouldn’t know him if walked past me on the street — probably because there aren’t many 6-6, 172-pound players in the NBA. But that won’t matter. He’s Rudy. Small biceps, big heart and, best of all, standard-sized foreign passport. He must be good.
And don’t think I’m slighting Tiago Splitter from Brazil, who presumably has skills coming out of his eyeballs. But forget his talent. You have to draft the guy just for the name. That he’s 7 feet is icing on the cake.
Italy’s Marco Belinelli and Croatia’s Ante Tomic — how do you say no to either of them sight unseen? You don’t.
But the first choice for the Bulls has to be Yi. I checked YouTube on Friday and found some video of him playing for the Guangdong Tigers (yes, them). All I can say is, he’s everything I thought he would be. Actually, I can say something else about him: He sure can dunk! In fact, when NBA.com asked him recently what his strongest skill was, he said: “Running the floor and slamming.”
What does he need to improve on?
“Strength, things like offensive skills under the basket and in the paint,” he said. “I need to improve in many aspects.”
I don’t need to hear that, Yi. In my mind’s eye, you have no weaknesses. You’re strong, intelligent and nice to old ladies. You must be because, as of several days ago, I had never heard of you.
That’s how the NBA draft works these days. We spend our time watching college basketball games knowing that the vast majority of players won’t be good enough in the eyes of the NBA. If they were good enough, they would have been doing one of two things a few years ago: declaring for the draft out of high school or eating crepes in France.
And so when the draft rolls around June 28, we will be dazzled by the exotic names rolling off the tongue of NBA Commissioner David Stern. Scouts from NBA teams have been crisscrossing the globe looking for talent. Thirty years ago the rest of the world was a wasteland, basketball-wise. Now we’re in the import business. So lots of foreign players will be announced on draft day, and we will greet them like magical wooden crates being carted off ships.
Naysayers would like to remind us of the blackest day in the history of the Foreign Player Love Fest. It came in 2003. Now, you can bash the Pistons all you want for taking Darko Milicic with the second overall pick of the 2003 draft, but how could they have resisted? Oh, sure, hindsight says Detroit should have taken Chris Bosh, Carmelo Anthony or Dwyane Wade. But the truth is, hindsight was asked on the record at that draft about the Milicic pick at, and it said, “Darko — you want to talk about a mysterious name.”
It didn’t take long for the mystery to be solved: Darko wasn’t very good. OK, so it didn’t work out. But how about that Dirk Nowitzki fella? Not bad. He’s from Germany, which, I don’t know if you’ve picked up on, is very cool.
I know you’re going to tell me that for every Leandro Barbosa, there are about 10 Milicics. The Suns’ Barbosa, from Brazil, averaged 18.1 points per game this season and won the sixth-man award. The Magic’s Milicic has a career scoring average of 5.0. He’s from Serbia and Montenegro, which many of us insiders know to be the cradle of future NBA stars.
Sure, the easy thing is to say we have fallen head over heels and a 360-degree dunk in love with foreign players. America-love-it-or-leave-its say we have given up on our own talent and taken the enchantingly easy way out.
And I’ll admit it doesn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense there are so many foreign players who are that much better than U.S. players. We probably need to teach the game better here. And the NBA needs to find a better way to nurture young talent.
To any U.S. player who believes there’s a conspiracy to keep him out the NBA, I have one bit of advice: Instead of trying to invent new ways to dunk the ball, learn how to shoot from the outside.
That or change your name to Vladimir.
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rmorrissey@tribune.com
