After a three-day weekend, the crew is rested and ready to go. Well, not Scott, but we’ll forgive him. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
Scott Kleinberg
Rahula Strohl
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: IN WHAT SPORTS-RELATED WAY DID YOU CELEBRATE MEMORIAL DAY?
Like the mighty NU lacrosse team, I devoured everything in my path while wearing a tasteful skirt.
I got swept up in Northwestern lacrosse fever. Can’t believe I said that with a straight face.
I watched the Atlanta Braves check into a hotel in Milwaukee. And it’s official. … I have no life.
I was generally immobile with “flu-like symptoms.”
Does crying in your beer count?
TOPIC 2: ANY RUMORS ABOUT YOU IN THE MEDIA THAT YOU WANT TO CLEAR UP, A LA CARLOS ZAMBRANO?
I drafted Lance Berkman for my fantasy team before I realized he swapped talent levels with Rahula.
Seriously, I was joking. I’m not a lacrosse fan. Or a Northwestern fan for that matter.
I’m not about to hit my 600th home run. I’m at 498 TDs, though, thank you very much.
That rumor about me and Jacinda Barrett? Turns out I made that up …
I am not Jim Hendry. He might need to wear a bag after this year though.
TOPIC 3: RAIN CUT SHORT SUNDAY’S INDY 500. WHAT IN CHICAGO SPORTS NEEDS TO BE CUT SHORT?
Cell phone reception in the Wrigley Field bleachers.
Cubs fans’ misery.
Ozzie Guillen when he’s talking to the media. ARRRGHHH! Shut up already!
For his own health and safety, Lou Piniella’s tenure as Cubs manager.
The Blackhawks. Just cut them out completely.
TOPIC 4: INDY 500 WINNER DARIO FRANCHITTI WON $1M AND ALSO IS MARRIED TO ASHLEY JUDD. WHAT GIVES?
And he’s not responsible for that Maroon 5 song. He truly is the most successful man on Earth.
Dunno. I race in the Eisenhower Expressway 500 daily, and my reward is this?
Can he recite the alphabet backward and track hurricanes? Mmm-hmmm. Didn’t think so.
He gives — his soul to Mephisto in exchange for the above.
Finally, the world rewards an average, hardworking, blue-collar man. Yes, I do sarcasm and misery.
TOPIC 5: BARRY BONDS IS 9 HOME RUNS AWAY FROM THE MLB RECORD. WHAT’LL HAPPEN WHEN HE BREAKS IT?
He’s met at home plate with a subpoena.
Sammy Sosa will be the next MLB slugger in the spotlight. Sad but true.
Snnnnooore. What? Breakfast?
Some knucklehead in a kayak is gonna drown going for the ball.
I’ll most likely need a TV after I put my bat through it.
