All of our panelists are happy to be here. Frankly, we’re hoping one of them demands a trade — soon. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
Adam Caldarelli
Chris Herring
TOPIC 1: WHO SAID THIS: ‘KEEP TALKING. ANYTHING SOUNDS GOOD RIGHT NOW THE WAY I’M FEELING’?
The man who discovered phone sex.
If I had to guess, I’d sayRon Jeremy.
I overheard those words near Leo’s cubicle, but I didn’t investigate.
I said that just as I sat down to write these answers.
Flip Saunders, who is depressed because his Pistons have no killer instinct.
TOPIC 2: HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT KOBE BRYANT PLAYING FOR THE BULLS?
Great, as long as he brings Shaquille O’Neal circa 2003 with him.
I’d feel great about betting the Bulls to finish dead last in shooting percentage.
I’d feel very, very ill.
Since it would take everything short of trainer Fred Tedeschi to get him, don’t like it.
Sick. I don’t like the idea of them being centered around one player — even Kobe.
TOPIC 3: WHEN SAMMY SOSA HITS HOME RUN NO. 600, WHAT WILL GO THROUGH HIS MIND?
“600! 600! Wait, I don’t speak English. Seisiento! Seisiento!”
“I sure hope the bat didn’t break on that swing.”
“For once, I didn’t need the corked bat!”
What’s always going through his mind: the theme music from “The Smurfs.”
“Now there’s no way they can consider my comeback a failure.”
TOPIC 4: HOW MANY OF SOSA’S SOON-TO-BE 600 HOME RUNS ACTUALLY HELPED HIS TEAM?
All of them. Tell me, when has a home run ever hurt a team?
That’s a leading question, and I refuse to answer. … OK, five.
Less than the number of times his sloppy throwing cost his team a game.
If memory serves … one.
They all helped in 1998, but then there was 2004 when almost none of them did.
TOPIC 5: DOES IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE WHO PLAYS FOR AND MANAGES THE CUBS?
That is the most profound question since Leo asked, “Is it treatable?”
No. Everyone turns into Wade Miller in a Cubs uniform, even Wade Miller.
Of course. Upper management needs believable scapegoats.
Never has, never will.
Please tell me this is a rhetorical question.
