Oh, it’s coming.
It’s out there.
Let’s call it the Lee Elia meltdown.
It’s when Lou Piniella finally realizes the muck he is mired in is far greater than any willpower he could muster.
That’s a lot of words to say he’s screwed.
Here’s why it’s miserable being a Cubs fan.
When they were putting together this $300 million monster, it apparently never occurred to anyone to fix the one problem money can’t solve: Since the time of say, Julius Caesar, the Cubs have been horrid baseball team where fundamentals are concerned.
It’s called running the bases, which we can’t do without killing ourselves. Back to Little League, Michael Barrett and Mark DeRosa.
It’s called having a decent bullpen, which we’ve never had. Thanks, Jim Hendry. I’m sure the new ownership group is going to love you. Here goes:
New Owner: So, you spent Ft. Knox on bad baseball?
Jim Hendry: Yeah, well, we wanted to win.
New Owner: Hmm, I think we may have a position for you.
Jim Hendry: Great. Let’s hear it.
New Owner: You can coordinate the 7th inning stretch singers.
Jim Hendry: Yeah, but I’m qualified to …
New Owner (buzzing secretary): Get Steve Stone on the phone!
Alas, it’s no better for the Sox. I’m on to them, though. To hide the mistakes of management, like not getting decent outfielders and having their own ailing bullpen, Ozzie Guillen and Kenny Williams like to mouth off to the media and say brash things. Things like how unhappy they are with the team.
Yeah, yeah, zip it. The Twins make us look silly, and that’s pathetic.
It’s barely June, and I’m dropping the sport all together.
I’m moving on to softball — ladies style. Hello, DePaul and Northwestern. Both have made it to the Super Regionals. I’m not sure what that is, but both of these teams are better than the Sox and Cubs. Cuter too.
Oh, and this is typical. Leave it to the Chicago Blackhawks to have the No. 1 overall pick in the draft in a year when … you guessed it, there’s no consensus No. 1. That’s fine, it saves me the trouble of growing to like him, then watching the Wirtzes let him go for nothing.
Listen, I hear Kobe Bryant wants a trade. Let’s trade the entire Bulls team for him so once we get him, we’ll have just enough to make it to the second round again.
Take that downtown … and print it!
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redeyesports@tribune.com
