The Gaslight Effect
How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life
By Dr. Robin Stern (Morgan Road, $23.95)
Named for the film “Gaslight,” in which Ingrid Bergman’s husband convinces her she’s gone mad, psychotherapist Robin Stern shows how to deal with the gaslighter whose emotional abuse is destroying your confidence.
1. A gaslighter can be a boyfriend who mocks you in public, or a friend who showers you with criticism.
2. A gaslighting boss may accuse you of being too sensitive when you ask why you’re being left out of meetings, for example. This abusive behavior will continue as long as you let it.
3. Signs of family gaslighting: Your siblings have an image of you that you don’t agree with; you’re treated as if you’re still in the childhood role you once held — young and irresponsible, or old and bossy.
4. Signs you’re being gaslighted: You dread seeing the person or are hyperalert when you do, you try convincing yourself and friends that the relationship is good.
5. Once you stop depending on the gaslighter for your sense of worth, you can insist that the behavior stop, or you can walk away.
